


Self Acceptance Is A Two Person Journey

by AnimeLester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Eventual Smut, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Strangers to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-06 09:40:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14639180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeLester/pseuds/AnimeLester
Summary: Phil has social anxiety, and is about as good in conversations as a deaf mouse.He therefore struggles to make friends, and has spent most of his life alone.However, after a fateful meeting with a stranger called Dan, Phil starts to feel things he always thought he would never feel.So what happens when Dan, who seems to be casually flirting with Phil, claims to be 100% straight, and seems to be in denial about his sexuality.





	1. Fake Happy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys I am British, and because Dan and Phil are also British, this fic is based in England. I am well aware that there are some aspects of English culture, that can be confusing, or even considered strange to non-UK habitants, so I will explain anything that might be considered confusing in this chapter, here, so people who are not in the UK, will also be able to understand certain parts or references. 
> 
> Chapter name taken from 'Fake Happy' by Paramore
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Russel Group- A list of Universities which are considered to be some of the best in the UK. You really want to study in one of these. (If your smart enough!)
> 
> Sixth Form- Basically the equivalent to grade 11 and 12 in America, except Sixth Form is optional. This is also the place you go to study A-Levels! (Advanced Level)
> 
> Jagerbomb- A popular drink among young people in the UK, consisting of a shot of Jagermeister (a spirit), inside a quarter of a cup of energy drink. 
> 
> Sugar and Lemon- Sugar and Lemon is the traditional pancake topping in the U.K. And yes, it is a lot nicer than it sounds!

 

Phil has always been one to stay away from confrontation.

  
So when he was asked what he wanted to do with his life at age 18, he choose to go to University to study English Language and Linguistics, much to his parents pleasure. It wasn't that he didn't like what he choose to study- in fact he very much enjoyed his English lessons at school, and even excelled at them- it just wasn't his passion. His passion was film, media, and generally being creative. But after one concerned glance from his mother upon mentioning this, and a few harsh words from a career adviser about how " you cannot make a career out of this", he dropped it, as he was always one to avoid confrontation.

  
This fear of confrontation also lead to other life choices, such as studying at the University College London, as that is what his Head of Sixth Form recommended him. This is due to it's Russel Group status, and it being in the capital, meaning plenty of employment opportunities post graduation. This therefore makes it the 'sensible' choice for a guy of his intelligence level and capability.

  
He also dyed his hair black, so people stopped singling him out and bullying him in school, due to his ginger nature.

  
And the one he regrets the most: keeping his sexuality hidden.

  
Now it wasn't that his family wasn't aware about his bisexuality, quite the contrary in fact, as they have witnessed it first hand when Phil had a shot too many, (unsurprisingly due to peer pressure) at the Sixth Form leavers do, and decided bringing back the openly gay guy in his psychology class, with his parents sleeping in the room opposite him, was a good idea. Still to this day, Phil cringes over those hazy memories as his parents confront him the next day, when he drags himself down the stairs to make himself a coffee late into the morning.

  
"Had a good night son?" His father inquired.

"Uh... yeah I suppose" Phil replied. In all honestly he couldn't actually remember what went down last night after the 5th Jagerbomb.

  
"Yeah we could tell. That lover of yours is quite loud" His father said, whilst turning the pages of the newspaper he is currently reading, unaware that a bright red is currently colouring Phil's face.

  
"Nigel! What your father meant to say is.. that is.. uh great that you uh... had a gr-great time last night, but could you save the... um.. ex-extra-curricular activities... till you move to uni in a few months" His mother said, rather timidly and blushing a deep shade of scarlet. She suddenly seemed interested in washing the dishes.

  
"The boy knows what I meant Kath, and besides I am fully supportive of our son going out there and having a bit of fun.... Although I was a bit surprised when I saw them leave this morning, and realised they had an extra piece of equipment" Whilst finishing his sentence his father made a point of putting down his paper, and making eye contact with his son. If it was possible, Phil's blush would of deepened.

  
"Nigel! Again what your father is trying to say is...that we had no idea you was...ga-gay.... not that there is anything wrong with that, but it would of been nice for you to have told us." She said, whilst coming up behind Phil and rubbing his upper back, in what was supposed to be calming.

  
He did not miss the slight tremor in his mother's hands.

  
"Actually... I'm not gay... I'm b-b-bi" Phil said in a very quiet voice. Looking back at it, he's surprised his parents actually heard him.

  
His parents turned to look at each other with a mixture of confusion, concern and surprise written on their faces. Then then quickly gathered themselves up -probably aware that their newly uncloseted son was waiting for them to say something- and started bombarding Phil with questions such as: " When did he first realise he was not straight", and " How does he know he isn't straight, and just going through a phrase". Whilst Phil would of preferred a different reaction, he supposes it could of been worse, as at least they are not being straight out disapproving.

  
They just seem a little taken aback is all.

  
"Here we are son, at your new home for the next 3 years."

  
Phil was brought back to the present, by his father's voice announcing that they have arrived at their destination: the University College London. Attempting to wake himself up, Phil sat up and looked outside the car window, where he was greeted with a snow white building with many stairs leading up to 10 symmetrical pillars, each having an equal distance between them. Behind the pillars, stood a large rectangular building of the same colour, complete with a triangle shaped roof, and a spherical shaped dome on top. Conjoined to both sides of this building, lay a much smaller version that wrapped around and joined at the front gates, creating a rectangular enclosed space.

  
The building looked like something straight out of a book about Ancient Greek architecture. 

  
"Do you need some help finding your way around and moving in?" His mother asked, whilst making her way to unpack his belongings from the back of the car.

  
"uhm" truth be told Phil really did need his parents to give him a helping hand, and to be awfully honest, he wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. But he is an adult, one that is trying to create a new, better life for themselves, and the worst thing he could do to jeopardise that is having his parents tag along, as he tries to settle in. So he just says no, hugs his tearful mum goodbye, whilst she reminds him yet again to work hard, make friends, and have fun, and with one last nod at his father, he walks away. 

Phil does everything in his power to not break down and cry at that exact moment.

\----------------------------  
It took more time then necessary for Phil to locate the student halls where he will be residing for the next year. By then he was worn out, both physically and emotionally, and what he craved more then anything is to be alone, so he can cry himself to sleep.

  
Phil sadly did not get that.

  
Instead, as he opened the front door, he was greeted by a 5ft 8 sized ball of sunshine with candyfloss pink hair, large emerald eyes, and a rounded face. She was sporting a ginormous smile full of pearly white teeth, with a minuscule gap between the two front teeth.

  
To say she looked wild would be an understatement.

  
"Hi my name is Louise, are you the last housemate we are expecting?" She asked in a voice laced with excitement. Before Phil had a chance to respond, she grabs his arm and pulls him into the flat, barely squeezing through the door in time, as she pushes it shut behind him.

  
Once Phil had recovered from the enthusiastic dragging, he took a moment to take in his surroundings. He was currently standing in a narrow hallway constructed out of bricks, with a thin layer of pastel lemon coloured paint barely covering them. On either side of the wall stood several bright blue doors, with sliver door handles covered with large patches of rust. On 7 out of the 10 doors lay a plaque with a name on it, which Phil assumes is the name of the occupier of that room. At the end of the hallway lay the 'lounge', a.k.a 2 worn out sofas with a small TV sat on a chipped wooden TV stand.

  
He would complain about that, but as he realised when his older brother went to University, some halls of residence don't even have a sofa, so he considers himself lucky.

  
"......your room now"

  
Phil is brought away from his observing by Louise's voice. He has no idea what she just said, but by the way she is looking at him, he could only guess she asked a question. He nodded meekily, hoping that was the right answer, and with a mini clap of her hands accompied with a small jump in an air, he could only guess that was the correct response.  
Louise walked down to the last door on the right, and with one last smile behind her towards Phil, she opened the bedroom door, revealing a room with bright yellow walls and a brown carpet. To say the colouring of the room made Phil want to vomit, is an understatement.

  
Inside the room was a small single bed, which left Phil questioning whether he was actually going to fit in it, considering he was a 6ft 2 giant. Opposite the hobbit sized bed, was a wooden desk made out of oak, with a matching chair pushed underneath. At the end of the room lay a matching wardrobe, big enough to store 2 items of clothing, and a window showing a lovely view of a brick wall. There was also some blinds, which were a stomach churning yellow, similar to the wallpaper. Every piece of furniture looked worn out, and Phil hates to think about how many people have used this room before him, and how 'clean' they kept it. He also hates to think about how small this room actually is, as he can nearly touch both sides of the wall with his arms outstretched. Granted, he is a large human, but the thought still unsettles him, and makes him feel slightly claustrophobic.

  
"I know this does not look promising, but after putting your belongings in here, it might feel a bit more like home. I recommend putting some bright pink fairy lights on the headboard of the bed, or at least that's what I did" Louise said, tone changing from displeased to light and positive. Bless her, Phil thinks, as she really is trying to make Phil feel welcomed and at home.

  
He really hopes him and Louise could be close friends, as he could really use her positivity in his life!

  
With a nod and a murmured thank you from Phil, Louise bounces out the room whilst encouraging Phil to meet everyone else when he is ready.

  
As soon as the door closes, Phil inhales deeply and slides down the door, burying his head in his hands. He takes several shaky breaths, as he tries to fight back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He promised himself he would not cry on his first day away from home.

  
During the daytime anyway. At night anything's game.

  
He counts to 10 in his head, and reminds himself why he is here. Phil is here to get a degree and create a life for himself, one that his parents and teachers where adamant he would get, if he followed their advice. Whether Phil actually wanted what they where promising is another thing.

  
He tries not to dwell on that fact for too long.

  
Instead, as soon as he feels calm enough he distracts himself by unpacking his belongings. Whilst he doubts that Louise was right, and that the room will feel more homely once he has unpacked everything, he decides it can't look any worse then it currently does.  
Besides, she looks happy enough.

  
..........  
Unpacking what few things Phil brought with him, took less time then he hoped and within an hour he was finished, and lying on his bed looking at cute pictures of Corgis. Unpacking his items proved Phil's theory of how small his wardrobe was, as only two thirds of the shirts Phil owned, fitted on the clothes rack inside his wardrobe, and the rest now hang rather messily over the open wardrobe doors. Of course Phil is rather a messy person, so it doesn't really bother him, but if he ever invited someone back into his room, someone who was rather neat...

  
No, Phil dismissed that thought before it was rooted into his brain. His room and more specifically his bed, was too small to invite anyone in, and that is if he got over his crippling social anxiety and talked to someone, let alone someone he found attractive.

  
It looks like the next few years are going to be lonely for him.

  
Oh well, Phil thought to himself, at least he has a few friends from back home he could talk to. Just as Phil went to open Facebook, to see if any of his school friends have posted any updates on their experience moving into university, or sent him a message, a rather intoxicantly sweet aroma entered his bedroom. Phil recognised the smell immediately, and the thought made his mouth water, and stomach rumble obnoxiously loud.

  
It was pancakes.

  
Phil didn't eat earlier, as he hadn't been particularly hungry, due to his stomach being full of nerves of the day to come. By now though, the gut wrenching fear he was feeling all those hours ago, has transformed into home sickness and general sadness, and with that came an increased appetite, and a craving for sweet things. Phil's stomach rumbled again at the thought of him sinking his teeth into a pancake, coated with a mouthwatering combination of sugar and lemon. Even though meeting his roommates filled Phil up with dread, he decided that pancakes was worth it... maybe.

  
With that thought in mind, he rolled out of bed whilist closing his laptop, and hesitantly swung the door open, as if his worst fear was greeting him on the opposite side.  
Which to be fair, one of his biggest fears was meeting new people.

  
He followed the aroma down to what was presumably the kitchen, and was greeted with 3 people. 2 people where leaning over the stove, one of which he recognised as Louise. The other, was a rather small man, with blonde hair and glasses. If his accent or the way he was speaking was anything to go by, he is probably American. There was also a brown haired man, with bright green eyes and a infectious smile, who was sitting on the tiny breakfast bar opposite the stove, watching and laughing at them whilst they were.... wait what are they doing?

  
Intrigued, Phil tried to get closer and peer over their shoulders, but due to them being hunched over the counter, he couldn't make it out.

  
Right, he should probably say something.

 

"uhm.. hi" Phil said in a very tiny voice. He honestly wouldn't be surprised if no one noticed him, as they where all pretty loud and engrossed in what they were doing. However, to his luck, the guy on the counter heard him and turned towards him.

"Hey did you want to join us?" He asked rather timidly, whilst patting to the counter next to him. Whilst he was making eye contact, Phil could read that he was uncomfortable, maybe even more uncomfortable then Phil, and that made him relax knowing that he wasn't the only person here, who wasn't a fan of social situations.

  
At this, Louise turned around and when she saw Phil her smile only grew. Suddenly she was grabbing his arm, and dragging him towards the empty counter, whilst gushing about him being a 'judge'. Phil then pulled himself onto the counter top -which took several attempts- whilst she was going back to the stove, muttering something about cheating.

  
It was safe to say Phil had no idea what was going on.

  
The green-eyed guy turned towards him, and extended a hand. " Hi I'm PJ" He said in a small but friendly voice. Phil wasn't a fan of handshakes, but since this guy seemed as introverted as he was, he decided to make an exception.

  
"Hi I'm Phil" He said, as he withdrew his hand.

  
"Nice to meet you. Doesn't Phil mean horse lover or something?" PJ said and when he noticed the confused look on Phil's face, he added "sorry I'm being weird, I know a lot of random facts, and they blurt out sometimes, especially when I'm nervous." Whilst saying that he rubbed his arm over his head, seemingly to hid the tinge of red that was now appearing on his cheeks. Phil didn't mind the weird random facts, specially because he knew some of his own, and also was very socially inept himself, so he could only take solace in the fact PJ was just as weird and awkward as him.

  
He had a feeling they were going to become good friends.

  
By now PJ was starting to look very embarrassed, when in Phil's opinion, he didn't have any reason to, so he quickly went to console him by admitting he was weird too, and also knew a lot of random facts specially about animals, which he randomly blurts out because he is also extremely socially awkward.

  
"That's okay then, I just feel like some people don't understand me, or even judge me, just because I'm a bit different then everyone else, and that led to some bullying during my school years. I was kinda hoping this could be a new start, and I was kinda worried a moment ago that I had ruined that chance" PJ admitted, whilst staring down at his feet.

  
"Well then we can be weird together. Besides, I'm the weird one here as my name does mean lover of horses, and yet I am terrified of them" Phil admitted, whilst chuckling at his own weirdness.

  
"Really? Well that is rather ironic" Pj said, also joining in with his chuckling. Once the laughing ceased, and a silence started to loom over them, he added " What are you studying by the way?"

  
"English Language and Linguistics, you? Phil answered, also adding the 'you' on the end, as he was genuinely interested in whatever PJ was studying. Obviously he was not your standard run of the mill guy, and therefore probably studying something zany.

  
"Digital Film and Screen Arts" PJ answered, with a genuine smile gracing his face. Clearly he was very passionate about this subject.

  
Not that Phil could judge, as he also has a passion in Media. In fact, you could say Phil was even slightly jealous of PJ, as he has the confidence to pursue his dreams, instead of letting himself be talked out of them, like Phil.

  
"Nice, I also nearly pursued a degree in a similar area, but my family and teachers said it would be too hard to make a career out of..." Phil drifted of realising that this is probably not what PJ wanted to hear, so he quickly added " But it is my passion, and I would of loved to do something like that."

  
PJ glanced up at him then, with what appeared to be a sympathetic look, like Phil had just told him a traumatic childhood story, before saying, " I know, I had a lot of people try to talk me out of it, but's its my dream to work in media and animation in some way, so I might as well go for it"

  
Phil meekly nodded at that. He knew all too well that this is his one shot at life, and he should be following his dreams, yet he doesn't have the nerve to stand up to people, and do what he actually wants to do.

  
PJ seems to sense this as he then adds, " There is a film society in this University that I was thinking of checking out. Do you want to join me?"

  
Phil perked up as he heard PJ say those words. Whilst he was still pursuing a degree he may not necessarily want, in a city far away from his real home, at least he will be able to pursue his passion, (to some extent) and maybe even meet some like-minded individuals. The thought alone makes Phil smile.

  
"okay that sounds-"

  
"You ready to taste some pancakes bitches?" Phil was interrupted by the small american man, whose excitement could hardly be contained within his rather petite body. Not that Phil's excitement level was any lower, as at the mention of pancakes, he salivated, and felt a jolt of pure unadulterated joy go through him. As he turned around, he noticed that he hasn't formally introduced himself to Phil yet so he added, " Hi my name is Tyler, I'm a American sadly, and on behalf of the USA, I would just like to apologise for how fucking stupid our nation can be"

  
Phil laughed at this. He also thought poorly of America as of late, and so found Tyler's joke rather humorous. It seemed like Tyler had a sense of humour, and despite him appearing loud and boisterous -the complete opposite of Phil- he thought he could grow to like him.

  
"Come on Tyler, stop trying to bribe the judges with pity and humour, we need their decision to be based on the quality of the pancakes alone." Louise said, whilst plating up some mouthwatering pancakes which appeared to be cooked to near perfection.

  
"Yeah if you could call yours pancakes" Tyler retorted. At this comment, an argument broke out between the two, about the 'criteria' of a pancake.

  
Phil thought this was the perfect moment to ask PJ why he was actually here, as he didn't catch too much of Louise's rambling earlier on. PJ then took it upon himself to explain that Louise and Tyler go into a fight about whether British or American pancakes are better, and to settle it they were going to have a pancake cook off, where PJ (who was just minding his on business at the time) can judge the winner. At this Phil just laughed and shakes his head, clearly amused by his roommates antics, as well as looking forward to having two servings of pancakes to munch on.

  
Moments later the pancakes where being served up, Louise went first with her British style pancakes, which were very crepe like and were rolled up into a cylinder, served with an unhealthy coating of lemon and sugar. Whilst the pancakes tasted nice, Phil had been to America enough times to know, that you cannot beat American style pancakes, regardless of the ingredients, chef or toppings.

  
So of course, it was no surprise that when Phil took a bite out of Tyler's stack of American pancakes, he was taken to heaven. The pancakes where coated in a generous amount of butter and maple syrup, and the actual pancake was as light and fluffy as a cloud on a summer's day.

  
It was orgasmic.

  
So obviously Tyler won that competition, despite Louise's moaning and groaning, and promising things like, "cleaning up the dishes for a week", or " performing a strip tease" if she won. However, even through she was clearly disappointed, she couldn't argue that Tyler's pancakes are out of this world good, and well, if she finished the rest of the stack within 5 minutes, nobody pointed that out.

  
The rest of the day was spent lounging around in the kitchen, educating Tyler on the differences between America and England. At the end of the day, Phil's cheeks were hurting from how much he had been smiling and laughing all day,and when the day was drawing to a close, he almost did not want to say goodbye to them. Phil realised that this may never be his home, or his family, but he is still going to enjoy it here regardless.  
.........................

  
A few days later found Phil getting ready for the Film society meet and greet, being held at a hall on campus. Phil was putting a lot of thought into his current outfit- the most thought he has ever put into any thing actually- as Phil figured this was his best chance to make friends. He will be meeting other nerds -who are just as creative and passionate about media as he is, and he really hoped that he would be able to make at least one friend from this experience.

  
This left Phil standing topless, only wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and bending over his bed, trying to find the perfect top that could make a good impression. After another 20 minutes of flipping through his limited selection of tops, Phil settled for his grey jumper, with the cast of' Stranger Things ' on the front. He figured that merchandise from a popular TV show would be a great conversation starter.

  
"Wow hot stuff! We have to leave in 5, so I would put something on unless you want all the men and women to faint" Tyler said whilst fanning himself, and adding a wink at the end for good measure. Him and Tyler have become quite close in the last couple of days, after Phil found out that Tyler is also part of the LGBTQA+ community, which then led to Phil hesitantly admitting he was bisexual. They then started to trade stories ranging from their first same sex crush, to their first sexual experience with a man. However, he doubted that this permitted Tyler to walk into his room whilst he was half naked, but he would let it slide, as he would hate to lose one of his only friends here.

  
Phil blushed shyly and mumbled "okay", before quickly pulling on his chosen top. He didn't think he was that hot, and he was genuinely self conscious of his body, especially around gay or bisexual men.

  
"Hey no need to be shy honey, I've seen a lot worse" Tyler added, obviously noticing Phil's poor attempts to hide his torso. With one more look, Tyler strolled out of the room, and Phil quickly followed, turning red to the tips of his ears.

  
Outside stood PJ and Louise, both talking enthusiastically about the event ahead. Both Tyler and Louise was joining them, after they both expressed an interest in the filming world. They also both love socialising, so any chance to meet new people and talk to them, they where going to take. Phil was not the best at socialising, nor was PJ by the seems of it, so they were more than happy to accept two outgoing members to their group.

  
Louise noticed them coming first, and with one glance at what Phil was wearing, she smiled and complimented him on how fitting the top was, even if it was slightly 'predictable'.

  
"Should we get going then?" PJ said, and with murmurs of agreement among the group, they all headed out into the late September air.

  
..................

  
The journey was very short -thank god- as each step Phil took made him feel more and more anxious, and he honestly didn't think he could of took another second of it, by the time they reached the hall rented out for this particular occasion. His head was swirling with thoughts ranging from "what if everyone here hates me", or "what if I'm too weird to fit in here". Phil knew these thoughts where illogical, but he couldn't stop himself from drowning in them. He just needed a distraction.  
Food. Eating is a good distraction.

  
Phil let his group know he was going to get... well a bit more more than a bite to eat, and walked over to the popcorn vendor, purchasing a large sweet popcorn. The popcorn vendor was very chatty, and was keen to start up a conversation with him, after glancing down at his jumper. Phil wasn't in the mood for a chat however, so he quickly grabbed the popcorn, mumbled a thanks, and left rather quickly, in a attempt to find a quieter place to calm down in.

  
His mind was entering full blown panic mode, as he was hyperventilating, and his skin was crawling with nerves and a hint of claustrophobia, as he realised how many people were here, and how close they were to him. He felt eyes tearing holes into his back, and people whispering about how much of a freak he was. Phil's breaths where coming out hollow and fast, and his vision was blurred, with his eyes prickling with tears. It was fair to say Phil could not see where he was going, not that he was actually paying attention to where his feet where currently taking him.

  
So it was no surprise to Phil when he walked straight into someone.

  
" HEY WATCH WHERE..... are you okay?" The stranger asks, voice turning from anger to worry, as soon as he picked up on the fact that the idiot who walked into him, was clearly not okay.

  
" Y-y-y-y-ea-h" Phil tried to speak, but struggled as he was barely able to breath let alone form coherent sentences.

  
"Hey let's get you out of here" The stranger said, picking himself up of the ground, and then helping Phil up as well. He brushed popcorn of himself, before hesitantly removing popcorn from Phil. At first Phil tried to pull away from the stranger's hand, before realising that this man was just trying to help Phil.

  
Phil realises for the first time in his entire life, that not everyone out there is trying to hurt him, even if it feels like that sometimes.

  
This stranger was taller than Phil, and had a comforting presence, which defiantly had a calming effect on Phil's nervous mood. The stranger wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and then guided Phil outside, out into the refreshing yet bitter autumn air. Normally Phil would wrap himself up to protect himself from the cold, but with the warmth of the stranger next to him, and the effect the air was having on calming him down, he felt he didn't need to.

  
"There we go, lets sit down here" he said, pointing to a bench a few feet away. Once they got there, he helped Phil sit down, and then took a seat next to him. As soon as Phil sat down, he immediately felt guilty, as this stranger probably wanted to go back in, meet up with his many friends and have a good time, not look after Phil like he was a troublesome five year old.

  
"S-sorry, I don't know what happened.... I'm not very good in s-s-social situations" Phil apologised, whilst looking down at his feet. He knew it wasn't much of an excuse for what happened, but it was better than nothing. Hopefully the stranger understood. He has calmed down enough where for the most part, he was breathing normally, and able to form a sentence, minus a bit of stuttering.

  
"That's okay neither am I, the only reason I'm here is because I wanted to escape from my flatmates, and this event made going outside somewhat okay.... I mean I am a lover of TV and film so..." The stranger drifted of. Luckily the stranger seemed to understand Phil's breakdown, which filled Phil with warmth, before his stomach filled with guilt again. The stranger was obviously suffering from his own problems, ones which are probably a lot worse then Phil's slight problem with social situations, and yet here he was, making everything about himself.

  
Typical Phil. No wonder he struggles making friends.

  
"I'm sorry- obviously your problem with your roommates is a lot worse than my inability to deal with situations. " Phil said, whilst risking a glance up towards the stranger. The stranger was looking down at him, with warm chocolate eyes, laced with concern and another emotion Phil could not name. He had matching brown hair, with curls that swayed with every little movement of the breeze. He had freckles randomly scattered across his face, with two large dimples on either side of baby pink lips, that are slightly chapped. This stranger looked nice.

  
Phil might even say he was attractive.

  
"No they are not horrible people so to speak, they are just the complete opposite of me. I mean they all have six packs, and into sports, and getting pissed every night on cheap lager, and hitting on every girl in the club. They are your typical lads you could say" Dan explained, whilst looking into Phil's eyes. For some reason the last sentence made Dan blush slightly and look down, glancing at Phil's jumper. "You like Stranger Things too" He added, hopeful that he could change the conversation topic.

  
That's completely fine with Phil, as the stranger's description of his roommates, was traumatising him.

  
"Yeah I do" Phil said before a silence started to settle between them. It wasn't exactly awkward, but Phil was desperate to find out more about this seemingly kind-hearted stranger, so he added " It's not my favourite though, that's reserved for Buffy".

  
To say Phil is obsessed with 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' is an understatement. His life revolved around Buffy when it was airing when he was younger, and even to this day, Phil spends a lot of his free time re-watching the series, with the DVD box set his family gave him one Christmas. In fact, he was so known for his Buffy obsession, one of his only friends had gifted him a signed half naked picture of David Boreanaz, that he keeps by his bed for.... reasons.

  
"Buffy as in Buffy the Vampire Slayer?" Dan asked, showing genuine curiosity in what Phil was saying.

  
" Yes that's the one" Phil replied

  
"Okay, I have to admit something to you - Don't slay me or whatever- but I have..... never seen Buffy" Dan said, whilst pulling his face into a guilty expression.

  
" What!?! That needs to be rectified!"

  
" I'm sorry okay.. can you forgive me?" Dan said, whilst mustering up his best attempt at puppy eyes.

  
" Maybe.. with time" Phil said, playing along with this joke. He was surprised at how easy it was to Joke around with someone he had only known for a few minutes.

  
"Good, I will make it up to you, promise" Dan said with a wink.

  
Wait, was this attractive stranger flirting with him? Especially after witnessing Phil breaking down in a crowded room, and then gush over his Buffy obsession.

  
Phil couldn't believe his luck.

  
Phil blushed a little whilst trying to come up with an equally suggestive comeback, but couldn't think of anything, so instead asked, "Well, what TV show currently takes up Buffy's spot in your favourites?"

  
This question then led to a conversation about all things TV related, which lasted for.. well, Phil doesn't how long he was sat talking to the mysterious stranger on the bench, as he lost complete track of time after the stranger winked at him. All he knew was he left the apartment at 5:45pm, when the sun was still above the horizon, and now the sun was casting beautiful shades of red and pink into the sky. Phil couldn't help but admire how the evening lights made Dan's features turn a darker shade of brown then they where before, and how his eyes sparkled in the dimming light. At that thought, Phil shook himself out of his trance of casually admiring Dan's face, and checked his phone for the time.

  
Instead of the time however, Phil was greeted with dozens of missed calls and text messages from his roommates, asking where he was, and if he was okay, all ranging from very worried, to downright inappropriate in Tyler's case. All he had to do was glance at the first message, which stated, 'has some hot dude rescued you from the terror which is socialising ;)', to know that he wouldn't be able to read the rest, without blushing furiously.

  
Especially because what Tyler was insinuating, was somewhat true.

  
Instead Phil replied to PJ saying he was okay, and asking where he was, so he could go and find them.

  
"Sorry am I keeping you from something?" The stranger asked with a face that looked slightly disappointed, at the prospect Phil might have to leave soon.

  
Phil hoped that was true.

  
"Yeah sorry, I came with a few friends, and they are wondering where I have gone of to" Phil said, with a tinge of sadness lacing his voice. He really didn't want to leave the stranger, but if he didn't find his roommates soon, they will start to panic and come searching for him.

  
The thought of the endless teasing he will have to endure, especially from Tyler, if they saw him chatting to this attractive stranger, made Phil jump onto his feet, and with an apologetic look at the stranger, he strolled of in search of his friends.

  
"WAIT!" The stranger yelled, making Phil turn 360 degrees so fast, it made him dizzy.The stranger walked up to him, and when only a few feet away, said " Sorry I don't know your name?" Phil gaped in a mixture of shook and amusement, at the fact that they have been sitting there talking about everything TV related for God knows how long, and yet neither of them asked for each other's name.

  
However the stranger took Phil's lack of words as something else, as he rapidly added " You don't have to tell me your name if you don't want to...I mean it sounds quite creepy in fact...you know what you don't have to-"

  
"My name is Phil! What's yours?" Phil interrupted, as he recognised an embarrassed waffle were ever he heard one.

  
The stranger shot him a thankful smile before saying " My name is Dan". Whilst saying this, Dan made cute little gestures with his hands.

  
God he was an awkward mess. Just like Phil.

  
"Well Dan I hope to see you again soon" Phil replied, as he took of into the sunset, on a mission to find his flatmates.

  
And for the first time in his life, he actually meant those words. 


	2. Obsessed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fresher's night/week/weekend- Events that occur at the start of the University year, tailored to first-year University students, to welcome them, and help them settle in. Usually involves getting pissed. 
> 
> Vinto- A British fizzy drink that tastes of berries. One of my favs!
> 
> Asda- A cheap supermarket/the U.K version of Walmart. 
> 
> Yandere- For those of you out of the anime loop, a yandere is someone who is so obsessed with someone, they resort to violent ways, to get with them. 
> 
> Also something to note, in Britain we sometimes use any word ending in 'ed' to describe someone being drunk. Tabled, sloshed, pissed, and wrecked are all good examples of this!   
> The chapter title is taken from 'Obsessed' by Miley Cyrus.

 

It's been a few weeks since that eventful day, and Phil still couldn't get Dan out of his mind.

  
But God hasn't he tried to.

  
Since then university has officially started, meaning he has been attending seminars and lectures left and right, and throwing himself into his work, in hopes that it will push Dan out of his brain. And when he wasn't attending class, he was nose deep in books in the library, attempting to keep up with the ever growing reading list for his course. Currently he was reading The Bride of Lammermoor, a novel written during the romantic era, the era which they were currently studying. This particular novel captures a real life event, in which the main character- Lucy- is prevented from marring her true love-Edgar- for a more wealthier guy. In consequence, she becomes very depressed, tries to kill her new husband on their wedding night, succumbs to insanity, eventually dying. Edgar himself, does not fair any better.

  
Phil finds himself feeling sorry for her, and starts to picture what he would do, if he was in that situation. Suddenly he was not picturing Edgar as the protagonist's true love, but Dan, with his fluffy brown hair in curls, giant dimples, and dressed in Victorian style clothing, which clung to his figure in a flattering way.

  
He thought about what it would be like for someone to deny him of Dan's love, which created a flurry of feelings to boil up inside him, ranging from sadness to outright anger.   
All too quickly however, Phil was brought back to the crushing reality that Dan was not his, and he has no right to be feeling this way towards him. After all, Dan is a human being, one that he has only just met, and barely knows. The thought alone made Phil's stomach drop, and a numb feeling to rush through his body. He didn't know which was worse: Thinking of Dan as his boyfriend, and then imaging a scenario that makes Phil shake with anger, or this current feeling of unending sadness, when he realised that Dan was not his.

  
Not wanting to dwell on these thoughts and feelings any longer, Phil quickly gathers up his things in his Galaxy themed backpack, slung it over his right shoulder after zipping it up, and rapidly exited the building.

  
His reading will have to wait for another day.

  
That particular situation occurs after an eventful night out on the town, where Phil and his fellow flatmates- which by then he had met all of them- went out clubbing till the early hours of the morning.

  
Now Phil wasn't one for partying- or generally doing anything social what so ever- but he did not go out at all during fresher's week, much to the disappointment of his flatmates. His flatmates therefore made him promise them, that he will join them on their next drinking sesh, which Phil thought at the time was a good idea, until today, when he was stood in front of his wardrobe at eight in the evening, smelling of cheap cologne, and trying to decide on a button up shirt to wear.

  
He was already regretting his decision, and he hasn't even stepped foot outside his apartment yet.

  
To be fair, the night wasn't so bad, or at least the first few hours anyway. When Phil stepped through the club doors, he felt anxiety start to tear up his insides, and start to claw away at his brain, until his mind was swirling with irrational thoughts like;

  
What happens if everyone ditches him?

  
What if he gets into a fight?

  
What if everyone laughs at his pathetic attempts to dance?

  
Then he felt a pressure on his right arm, and he turned around, only to find it was Louise trying to grab his attention. He nods in confirmation, letting her know he is willing to go wherever she wanted to go. she is then tugging him through crowds of sweaty people, towards what he assumes is the bar. She orders a pitcher of something- what, he doesn't know, as the bass of the current song drowns out whatever Louise was saying to the barmaid- and is then following Louise back to a small table in the corner, where two other people are sitting. He has no idea who they are, as the club is pitch black apart from the odd bright coloured light, that occasionally passes by. When they move closer however, he realises it as Tyler and another flatmate.

  
They sit down, and within seconds Louise is passing everyone a straw, and before long they are drinking out of the jug. Phil is automatically hit with the taste of cranberries, mixed with mangoes, and a hint of orange. It isn't until the drink hits the back of his throat however, that he recognises the burning sensation of Vodka, which causes him to remove the straw from his mouth momentarily to cough. Once he recovers, he puts the straw back into his mouth, allowing that sweet fruity taste to dance across his taste buds, and the vodka to make him relax into his seat.

They stay like that for a while, taking it in turns to buy pitchers of cocktails to share between them, whilst attempting to talk over the deafening loud music being played. Before long, Phil is starting to feel tipsy, and is starting to relax and maybe even enjoying himself a bit.

  
However this didn't last long, as two of his flatmates thought it would be a good idea, to make him down multiple triple vodka Vintos. Whilst Phil was feeling a lot less anxious after all those cocktails, he was still unable to say no when peer pressured, and before long he was downing those drinks, whilst his flatmates laughed at him.

  
At first the vodka did not fully effect him, as he was still able to have full blown conversations with his peers. But before long, the vodka started to hit him, and he had the sudden urge to dance on top of the table he and his flatmates were still sat around. Phil clumsily climbed on top of the table, knocking glasses and jugs of the table, and then started to perform the latest dance craze, the candyfloss. People started to cheer him on, and the students who pressured him into drinking those Vintos, started recording him, while the rest of his flatmates had a mix of surprise, concern, and excitement plastered on to their faces.

  
However, the only roommate he was paying any attention to whatsoever, was Tyler, who was yelling several phrases ranging from " you go girl!" to"Take your clothes of you sexy beast". Normally, Phil would shy away from any comments hinting that he was sexy, or even slightly attractive, but in this case, he was too far gone to care, and unbuttoned a few of the top buttons on his shirt, in what he assumed was a sexy manner.

  
It defiantly weren't sexy.

  
The night then went from bad to worse, as the wolf whistles he gained in response, made him unbutton the rest of his red and black plaid shirt. He then started swaying his hips way out of time to the beat,- not that that discouraged the whistles he was receiving currently- and this was when his eyes caught a pair of obsidian brown eyes, diluted with interest and lust.

  
He looked like someone Phil knew, and boy didn't Phil want a piece of him.

  
Phil decided he would attempt to seduce the male, by keeping eye contact with the young male, whilst biting his lip and slowly unbuckling the belt on his black skinny jeans. He then threw the belt towards the general direction of the interested gentleman, only for it to completely miss, and whack some dark-haired girl in the face.

  
Phil's coordination wasn't the best when he was sober, let alone when he was completely wrecked.

  
Luckily, the guy understood what he had been trying to do, and he moved closer, until he was at the front of the crowd that has now formed around Phil.

  
Suddenly, Phil decided he couldn't take it anymore, and he jumped off the table, into the man's arms.

  
Or at least he tried to.

  
Instead the man who was clearly as drunk as Phil was, buckled under the weight of Phil, sending them both crashing down towards the sticky dance floor. They both giggled like school girls, before the dark eyed boy below Phil, pulled him down for a kiss.

  
The kiss was sloppy and messy, due to the mixture of alcohol and lust that was now circulating their bloodstream, and before they knew it, this simple kiss turned into a full on make out session, full of tongues, groping, and lewd noises. 

  
The crowd around them started wolf whistling, and instead of embarrassing Phil like it normally would, it spurred him on, and he moved his hands which where currently gripping the man's side, to the front of jeans, and slowly started to unzip them.

  
All of a sudden, Phil heard a women's voice coming up from behind him, and several people tugging him by his shoulder. Phil tried to fight against them, but his limbs were not responding fully, and he was pulled of the brown-eyed man with ease.

  
"Le-le-let me-burp- g-g-g-o" Phil tried to communicate his misery at being pulled away from a steamy make out sesh, but he was having trouble forming words.

  
"Phil your drunk, and you was just about to get it on, with a guy you don't know, in a middle of a nightclub, with dozens of people watching you!" Someone who Phil vaguely recognises as Louise, explains, whilst simultaneously trying to pull him away, towards some worn out seats in the corner.

  
Phil struggled against Louise's grip, as the last thing he wanted to do was go and sit down. What he wanted to do was to grind up against that brown-eyed guy, until he came apart. 

  
As they neared the seats, Phil felt someone tug on his shoulders. He turned around after a moment or two-his reflexes being slowed down by the alcohol. A smile tugged at his lips, when he realised it was the obsidian eyed boy.

  
"h-h-hey d-d-id you wanna go--" Phil stopped listening after a few seconds, as he realised that this brown-eyed boy, has a deeper voice then he previously thought. For the first time tonight, he took in his facial features, and realised that this man did not look like who he originally thought he was.

  
This boy's hair was a darker shade of brown, and was straight instead of curly. He was missing two dimples on both cheeks, and instead had a thin layer of brown stubble, over his jaw and cheeks.

  
This wasn't the guy he thought he was.

  
This wasn't Dan.

  
He didn't want to make out with anyone but Dan. He didn't want to awkwardly grind in a nightclub toilet, with anyone but Dan. He didn't want to be sloppily sucked off until he came apart, and just as sloppily return the favour, with anyone but Dan.

  
Phil quickly fled the scene, with tears appearing out of the corners of his eyes. Of course, because he was absolutely tabled out of his mind, he fell onto the grubby floor in a pile of limbs.

  
Luckily, Louise saw what happened, and she ran as fast as she could in her high heels, towards Phil. She then tried to pick him up, and when she wasn't getting anywhere, she sat down beside him, and tried to console him. Luckily they where pretty close to the side of the dance floor, so barely anyone was around.

  
Louise tried to coax out of Phil what was wrong with him, but after minutes passing, with Phil saying nothing but, "Dan, He wasn't Dan" over and over again like a traumatised parrot, she settled on saying nothing, and just gently rubbing his upper back instead.

  
They were like that for God knows how long, but eventually the rest of their flatmates found them. After Louise filled them in on what happened, they all decided that they should go back home. After all, Phil clearly shouldn't be here right now, and clearly was in no condition to go back home on his own, let alone be left alone in the flat. Also, some of the less drunk students where starting to feel a bit tired, considering by now it was the early hours of the morning.

  
It was fair to say Phil spent the rest of the weekend with his head in the toilet, much to his flatmates dismay, whilst his mind was consumed with one thought:

  
That regardless whether it was day or night, and whether he was drunk or completely sober, there was only on thing on his mind: Dan.

  
He was developing a crush on Dan.

  
And he barely even knows him.

  
Now normally Phil wouldn't mind having these thoughts about someone, as they tend to replace his normal more negative thoughts, with positive ones. These thoughts also usually makes him try a bit harder, when it comes to things such as eating better, exercising more frequently, and improving his personal hygiene.

  
They also usually provide quality material for his wank bank.

  
But when Phil woke up for the 3rd time that week, with a raging hard on, due to him having wet dreams about a guy he barely knows, he starts to question how good these feelings actually are.

  
Phil grabs his cock in his right hand, and starts to stroke rapidly, eager to get this over with as soon as possible. He would prefer to have a cold shower to wash away the lust he was feeling right now, but due to the fact 8 people share this flat, the chance of the shower actually being free, let alone getting to the bathroom without anyone seeing the tent in his PJ bottoms, is very low, and not worth the potential embarrassment. So instead Phil completes the process by hand, letting out low moans muffled by his left hand, in an attempt to not let his flatmates know, what he was currently up to. 

  
He tries to not think about Dan.

  
Tries but ultimately fails.

 

Just like every other time in the last few weeks.

  
Phil cums into his right hand with a groan, and immediately reaches behind his pillow, to grab a tissue from the tissue box he keeps there, for situations like this. He then discards the tissue in the £1.50 plastic bin he brought from Asda, which is now overflowing with sticky tissues.

  
Luckily no one comes into Phil's room, so he doesn't have to try to hide the pile, or make up an excuse along the lies of having really bad allergies, or being really ill.

  
Phil has never been more thankful that he is a socially awkward introvert, then at this current moment.

  
Honestly though, it wasn't like Dan was making things any easier for him. Whilst the conversations they where having where friendly enough, there was always a glance at his lips by Dan, or a wink after a suggestive comment, or even what happened last week: a caress of his arm.

  
They were talking about their most embarrassing moments, after Phil bumped into Dan at a local coffee shop, where he was planning on meeting up with PJ, whilst in between lectures. Phil had just entered the queue, and was currently glancing at the drinks menu, trying to decide whether he should stick to a flat white, or whether he should just give in to temptation, and order the most frothy, sugary option, (spoiler alert, he chooses the latter), when Dan strolled up behind him, and timidly said "Hi", whilst doing a tiny wave with his left hand.

  
Everything was going okay, as they made polite small talk, which mainly consisted of Dan saying he has finally started watching Buffy, and Phil asking about how he was finding it so far. However, it all went wrong when Dan ordered a pistachio muffin, and the barista made a pun about the muffin. Dan then attempted to pun back, and said " Get muffin-side me", which lead to the barista giving Dan a weird look, before going to serve the next customer.

  
Phil felt embarrassed for Dan, so he could imagine how Dan was currently feeling.

  
"Sorry about that, things like that happen all the time with me" Dan mumbled, whilst staring at the floor and turning bright red.

  
"Don't worry about it, things like that happen often to me as well, in fact I'm just glad it wasn't me this time." Phil said, attempting to reassure Dan, and adding a chuckle at the end for good measure.

  
"Really? That's hard to believe" Dan says, finally glancing up at Phil. Their eyes meet for a few seconds, before Dan returned to looking at the floor, making Phil's heart rate increase monetarily, before stopping altogether.

  
"No really! Just the other day, I dropped a book onto someone's foot in the library. Besides, have you forgotten how we met? I literally walked into you, and spilled popcorn all over you. And that isn't even my most awkward moment!" Phil said whilst laughing to him self. He normally would feel self-conscious, pointing out how awkward a human being he actually was, but for someone reason it was easy with Dan.

  
"No way! What is your most embarrassing moment?" Dan asked, also joining in with the laughter. It seems Phil listing some of his most awkward moments, has made Dan relax, as he was now smiling, and looking over towards Phil.

  
"My most embarrassing moment, was whilst I was on a train one time, I rubbed my eyes with my contact lenses in, and the left one fell out onto someone's arm. " Phil said, whilst inwardly cringing at the memory.

  
" Oh my god.. wait you wear contact lenses?" Dan asked, whilst stepping forward, and examining Phil's eyes. Their heads where mere centimetres apart, and Phil could hear his heart beat increase.

  
Hopefully Dan could not here as well.

  
" Y-yeah my eyesight is pretty bad. I also have..er, glasses, but I do't look g-good in then.. so I don't wear them that often..." Phil stammered out, whilst trying to look anywhere but Dan. It's really hard to think, let alone speak, when your newly developed crush, is standing kissing distance away from you.

  
Great. Now Phil is thinking about kissing, more specifically kissing Dan, and how nice it would be to sink his teeth into those baby pink lips....

  
Phil shakes those thoughts away, and tries to step back, but suddenly Dan is reaching out for Phil.

  
Wait..What?

  
"Don't put yourself down like that! I expect you look great in your glasses." Dan reassured Phil. The hand that was moving towards Phil, now lands on his right arm, where Dan  lightly squeezes his bicep, and then gently caresses his upper arm, in what he suspects is supposed to be an innocent attempt at reassuring Phil.

  
That doesn't matter though, as Phil shivers at the contact, and let's out a quiet murmur. 

  
Suddenly Dan is pulling away, blushing furiously, and with one last glance at Phil, he walks away, leaving a trail of goosebumps on Phil's arm in his wake.

  
Phil is left flabbergasted.

  
PJ suddenly appears beside Phil, and pats him gently on the back, whilst saying, "I'm guessing that was Dan". Phil has no idea how PJ knows that was Dan, but he assumes it was probably due to the breakdown he had, at that nightclub.

  
To be honest, Phil completely forgot he was supposed to be meeting PJ here in the first place.

  
All Phil could reply in response, was a timid "yes".

  
...........................................................

  
"Come on Tyler we are going to be late" Louise shouts.

  
"Hang on, your girl here needs to make sure he is looking babalicous." Tyler shouts back. Currently Phil, PJ, and Louise, where stood by the front door, waiting for Tyler to emerge from his bedroom, so they could go to the film club movie night. Phil is rather nervous to say the least, as this would be the first time that he would of seen Dan, since the arm touch incident.

  
A.k.A the time Dan touched Phil's arm, made Phil see fireworks, and then withdrew his hand, and move away from him without a word.

  
To say Phil was feeling rather confused about the whole scenario, would be an understatement.

  
Not to mention the look PJ gave him when he saw Dan, obviously piecing two and two together, and realising that Phil definitely has a bit of a crush on Dan. However, PJ has not brought it up since, much to Phil's relief.

  
Ten minutes later, Louise had, had enough of waiting, and pulled Tyler out his room by his t-shirt, much to Tyler's screams of protest, about how much the t-shirt cost, as well as the noise complaints from the other flatmates, who were currently present.

  
They then made their way down to the lecture hall, where the free screening would be taking place.

  
After a few minutes of fast-paced walking, they finally made it to the lecture hall. Phil was not a big fan of watching a film in the same place he attends his morning lectures, but it beats the small crappy TV they have in their flat.

  
Besides they are showing a classic- Star Wars. Who wouldn't miss that?

  
Apparently Dan also wasn't one to miss out on a classic, as barely minutes after they settle into their seats, PJ turns around and stares for a second behind him, before whispering in Phil's ear, " Hey, isn't that Dan sat in the far left corner?".

  
Phil glanced at PJ for a full minute, trying to work out if this is PJ's way of making a joke, about his crush. After realising however, that PJ is not the sort to tease him about things like this, he decides to look behind him.

  
Dan was sat in the top row of the theatre, sitting on his own, and looking like a rebel. H was leaning back, with his legs resting on the seat in front of him, and his arms crossed. He was wearing a black hoodie, that looked five sizes too big for him, which was rather funny Phil thought, considering how tall Dan was in the first place.

  
I mean he's taller then Phil for Christ's sake, and Phil's no shorty!

  
Matching the hoodie, was a pair of very tight skinny jeans, which showed off every curve of his long legs. There where several holes in the jeans, which showed glimpses of Dan's tanned skin. There was also a glimpse of sliver in Dan's right ear, which Phil assumed was an earring.

  
The most important feature though, was Dan's hazelnut brown eyes, which met his, and when they did, a slight blush danced across his cheeks.

  
"You should invite him to sit next to us- I mean he is all on his own" Phil was startled out his trance like state, by PJ whispering into his ear. Phil thought about it, but they haven't spoke since that ..uh..moment the other day, and things where starting to get awkward between them.

  
Phil decided that it would be best to leave Dan alone. Besides, Phil did not want to come across as some creepy yandere.

  
"Nah, I think I will leave it- I mean if he wanted to sit by us, he would've by now" Phil whispered back.

  
PJ just stared at him, but when he realised Phil wasn't going to say anything more, he said " I dunno, I think he wants to join us, but is too shy to ask".

  
"I don't think-" Phil started. 

  
"Guys what are you whispering about?" Louise interrupts. Both Phil and PJ did not know how to reply, so they instead looked at each other, and then sheepishly looked back at Louise, Phil blushing furiously during all of this.

  
"Wait what am I missing out on! Tell me the goss!" Tyler squealed, whilst leaning in closer towards them.

  
"Well Phil you look like a tomato, so it must be good! Spill!" Louise said in a loud and high pitched voice. It was so loud in fact, Phil was worried Dan might of heard, so he quickly turned around, and sneakily had a glance at Dan. Dan was on his phone, looking rather interested in whatever was happening on his screen.

  
Thank god.

  
His glance wasn't sneaky enough though, as Tyler and Louise noticed Phil's gaze, followed it, and then looked back at each other.

  
"OMG Phil has a crush on that bad boy over there. " Tyler Exclaimed.

  
" OMG we should so set them up now" Louise suggested, whilst bouncing up and down in her seat, like an excited child. Both Tyler and Louise was speaking so loud, they where starting to draw attention to their small group.

  
"No guys really-" Phil tried, but any pleas on his part fell on death ears.

" Hey hot stuff in the black, get yourself over here" Tyler yelled, whilist pointing at Dan.

  
If everyone wasn't already staring at them, they definitely were now.

  
Dan glanced up from his phone, blushing when he realised everyone was staring at him. Dan seemed hesitant to move, and Phil didn't really blame him, as the amount of eyes on him currently, would be enough to scare event the most self-confidant person away.

  
"Come on, sit over here, we don't bite, promise" Louise said, whilst pointing to the empty space next to Phil, with her left hand, and making a 'come here' motion. with her right.

  
At that, Dan hesitantly got up from his seat, and made his way down to sit next to Phil, leaving a seat between them.

  
"Come on, move a bit closer, Phil's a really nice guy,which your find out soon" Louise said with a wink.

  
" Um... well I actually already met Phil, so I now he's a.. nice.. guy" Dan said, suddenly taking interest in the floor.

  
" Phil you did not say that, why don't you introduce us to this man candy" Tyler said with a wink, obviously intrigued in Dan, and how Phil knows him.

  
"Everyone... this is...uh.. Dan" Phil said, after taking a deep breath. If they still remember that night at the club a few weeks back, and they probably do, they will know the significance of that name.

  
Tyler and Louise exchanged a look.

  
Phil's guessing they do remember the night at the club. Extremely well in fact, if what Tyler says next is anything to go by.

  
"Ah your Dan- sorry I've heard Phil say your name a few times, and at the time I didn't know who you are, but now I do, and you know what, I don't blame him" Tyler said, with a mischievous look spreading across his face.

Phil quickly looks towards Dan, and sees Dan throw him a puzzled look. He has no idea what Tyler is saying.

Good.

  
Phil doesn't know what Tyler is planning on doing, but whatever it was, Phil doesn't want to know.

  
"So you know Phil then, why don't you move a bit closer to him, it looks like you don't like him, from how much distance you've put between you" Louise piped up. Phil has always liked Louise- up until now anyway.

  
Dan looks over at Phi,l with a look of worry in his eyes, that confuses Phil. Why would Dan be scared to sit next to Phil?

  
Phil shoots a look at his friends, before looking back at Dan, and mouthing an apology to him. Clearly Dan is uncomfortable, and Phil has no idea why, as he has never shied away, from getting close to Phil in the past.

  
It must be himself Phil thought.

  
Maybe he smells tonight, and so he subtly sniffed under his arms, and checked his breath, to see if there was a trace of anything potent coming from him.

  
"Hey your making your boyfriend doubt his hygiene here". Tyler pipes up, whilst throwing a nod in Phil's direction.

  
He really needs to work on his own subtly, Phil thought.

  
"Oh no we are not-" Dan starts, whilst blushing profusely, and shaking his head. His eyes were glancing at everything apart from Phil. He can tell Dan is really nervous right now, and just wants to escape this whole situation, but is too polite to say anything.

  
He hates that Dan is uncomfortable, and it makes him angry that his flatmates are the cause, which causes him to snap at them.

  
Stop your making him uncomfortable!" Phil shouts, much to the surprise of his flatmates, as well as himself.

  
Turns out annoyance at someone, could transform even the most timid and awkward person, into a loud confident beast.

  
Before they had a chance to respond, Phil gets up and moves towards the back, where Dan was sat previously. Dan glances up at him, with a mixture of emotions covering his face, before he shakes his head, and follows him.

  
"I'm sorr-" Phil started to apologise once they were sat down.

  
"Can we just forget what happened?" Dan says in a rather irritated voice, yet with eyes shining with worry.

  
Something was really bothering Dan, as he was radiating worry with a hint of annoyance, and Phil doesn't think it was just due to the exchange a few seconds ago.

  
"yeah..uh...okay" Phil said. He wanted to ask Dan what was bothering him, but the confidence he gained a few moments ago, has quickly subsided, leaving just his socially awkward self.

  
An uncomfortable silence fell between them, and Phil racked his brains trying to find something to say. He wanted to distract Dan from what ever was going on inside his head, and thought simple conversation before the movie began, was the only thing he could really do.

  
"Do you like Star Wars?" Phil suddenly asked, and immediately face palmed. Of course Dan liked Star Wars- why else would he be here?

  
Way to go Phil. Constantly failing at making friends, and healing relationships.

  
At this however, Dan just laughed out loud, immediately easing the tension between them, before asking rather sarcastically " Why else do you think I would be here, to chill out with other sci fi nerds!" Dan said, whilst rolling his eyes.

  
It may of not been the way he imagined it, but he still managed to ease the tension somewhat between them. As Phil was contemplating on what to say next, Dan added "I would ask you the same thing, but I already know the answer, as a) your here, and b) your wearing a Star Wars Christmas jumper in October- only a hardcore fan would do something that ridiculous. "

Phil in all honestly, had forgotten that he was wearing his Star Wars Christmas jumper, much to his flatmates laughter and annoyance. He was feeling pretty confident about it when he left earlier, but now, with Dan pointing out the idiot-icy in that decision, he was starting to feel self-conscious.

However, he wasn't going to let Dan know that. 

  
"Hey, it's a Star Was film showing, you have to ridiculous to not wear Star Wars merch" Phil retorted, wondering how they had gotten from silence, to "banter" in two minutes.

  
"Yeah but Star Wars Christmas merch, doesn't go with my dark and depressing autumnal look. What you saying, I need to improve my look? " Dan argued.

  
"No your look good- very good in fact" Phil says, whilst raking his eyes up and Dan's body.

  
It was true as well- he was truly working it.

  
At this comment Dan blushed, and glanced down at the floor, and at that exact moment, the lights dimmed, and the Star War's opening began to play.

  
The next 2 and a bit hours, was one of the best, and worst moments in his entire life. It was great, as he could feel the body warmth of Dan sitting close to him, as Dan unconsciously-Phil assumed anyway- moved towards Phil, throughout the duration of the film.

  
It was bad however, as Phil found it very hard to concentrate on the film, when the prettiest guy alive was sat close to him. Phil kept on trying to look over at Dan and usually caught himself, before he did. However, sometimes he gave in, and when he did, sometimes Dan would be looking straight back at him, before turning his head away.

  
Of course he also had his flatmates, turning round to look at him constantly, with apologetic looks mixed with a hint of interest. He even saw Tyler wink at him once.

  
That was definitely not helpful.

  
The movie wrapped up, and by that time, Dan had his leg firmly pressed up against Phil's, sending electric shocks throughout his body. Dan glanced at Phil, before looking down and realising that they were touching. He quickly moved away, said "bye", and walked out the theatre, leaving Phil completely confused.

  
Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry this chapter is late! Whilst editing this last night, I started to get very anxious, so I took a break from it all. Whilst I will try to update every Sunday, I do suffer from two mental illnesses, as well as lead a busy life, so occasionally they may be late. 
> 
> I apologise for this, but there isn't really anything I can do about it!
> 
> I do make a statement on my Tumblr, if I feel a chapter is going to be late, so follow me on @animelester. 
> 
> See you next week!


	3. A Drop in the Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry this chapter is a bit delayed! I have explained why at the end notes, so if your really wanna know, you can!
> 
> I have updated the tags on this fic, so please check those out, before reading any further! I don't want my writing to trigger some people!
> 
> Fiver is British slang for a £5 pound note. 
> 
> Secondary School is the British version of late middle/early high school.
> 
> Jabba the Hut is a character from Star Wars- if you have no idea who he is, google him! It would make part of this fic quite funny!
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter title taken from 'A Drop in the Ocean' by Ron Pope.

 

Phil was so confused.

  
Twice now, Dan had run away from body contact, that he himself, had initiated. 

  
Well kind of anyway.

  
Phil knew it was irrational for him to think that the reason Dan was constantly pulling away from him, was due to himself, as the reason they would end up touching, was always due to Dan. If he didn't want to be close to Phil, why would he reach out to comfort him, or move closer to him until their legs touched.

  
However, Phil can't help to dwell on the thought, that it was due to him. The pulling away usually happens after Dan's eyes widen, like he just realised what he has done, and doesn't want to send the wrong message across, as he thinks Phil is low-key disgusting.

  
However, whatever the reason, it was making things very awkward between the two.  
  


Phil spent the following day keeping himself very busy. He had a 9am lecture- which was horrendous considering he was a night owl- and also had a seminar at 5pm. He spent the time in between, at the library, attempting to keep up with his ever-growing reading list.

  
After the seminar, Phil was worn out, due to the early start to his day, and all of the reading he accomplished earlier, so he decides to get a much needed hit of caffeine from the local coffee shop, and accompany it with something sweet.

  
Whilst Phil was waiting in line for his coffee to be made, and his cookie to be bagged, he saw Dan enter the shop, accompanied by two girls. Dan was looking amazing as ever in black skinny jeans, with a grey t-shirt, and a black denim jacket thrown over the top. However, this time, he had his hair straight, and no earrings in.

  
Whilst Dan still looked phenomenal, he couldn't help but be reminiscent of the curly hair, and sliver earring.

  
What made Dan change his look?

  
Despite this however, Dan still made Phil feel self conscious in his pink anime themed jumper, black skinny jeans, and messed up hair, accompanied with big glasses placed wonkily on his forehead,  highlighting the black circles beginning to form under his eyes.

  
Meanwhile, the two girls that accompanied Dan, were undeniably beautiful. The one closest to Dan, had dark blonde hair, with sun kissed skin, and bright blue eyes. She had an hour-glass figure, which was perfectly accentuated by her dark blue coat, that had a belt tied around the waist, showing of how petite she was.

  
The other girl had chocolate brown skin, with raven black hair, and obsidian coloured eyes. She was more curvier than her counterpart, with a bigger chest, hips, and a bit of a stomach, shown under her tight white t-shirt, paired with a dark red cardigan.

  
The first girl may have been technically perfect, but in Phil's eyes, the second girl was a lot more attractive.

  
The two girls seemed to be gossiping, as they where huddled together, whispering things into each others ears, and silently giggling with their hands covering their mouths. Dan just seemed to be in his own little world, just glancing around the coffee shop, and staring at the decorations that where sprinkled around the building. 

  
However, Dan was brought out of his admiring, when the blonde girl elbowed him in the ribs, and said something Phil couldn't make out, making Dan look to the floor and mumble something else. He then looked at the two girls, and was occasionally nodding along with what they were saying, but the expression on his face looked distant. 

  
Almost like he wasn't really there at all.

  
"That will be £4.50 sir."

  
Phil looked over at the cashier, who was waiting for Phil to exchange his money for the goodies, and Phil quickly reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a fiver, trying to be as quick as possible, so he doesn't hold up the queue for too long.

  
He waited for his change, picked up the coffee and cookie in his hands, and quickly strolled out of the coffee shop, unsure whether he should timidly say hi to Dan.

  
However, fate decided that for him, as when he was approaching the exit, he saw Dan look towards him. Deciding it would be rude to not say hi now, he turned around and smiled, before making his way towards him. For a small second Phil thought he saw a smile glimpse his face, before he blushed red and turned his back on him, making eye contact with the girls accompanying him, and actually for the first time, make active conversation with them.

Hum thought Phil, that was a really weird reaction.

  
Unsure what to make of it, Phil turned back around and rapidly exited the building, whilst downing his coffee and biting huge chunks out of his cookie.

  
By the time Phil got back home, the coffee cup was empty, and the cookie was now just a few crumbs at the bottom of a brown paper bag. He went into the kitchen and threw the rubbish in the bin, walking straight back out, as all he wanted right now was to be left alone with his thoughts.

  
Apparently alone time wasn't in the cards for Phil this evening.

  
"Hey Phil what's got you in a mood?" One of his flatmates asked him, whilst sipping a cup of tea. "Did your boyfriend break up with you?" he teased.

  
By now it was common knowledge that Phil may have a crush on a guy named Dan, due to Louise's and Tyler's inability to shut their mouths. After Louise and Tyler figured it out for themselves on that film night, they have been talking about it non stop to... well everyone.

 

’I'm fine” Phil lies, whilst trying to muster up a neutral tone of voice, and generally seem okay.

 

He wasn’t very convincing by the seems of it, as his flatmate moves closer to him, and looks him in the eyes. His flatmate was several inches shorter then he was, so he had to stand on his tip toes, which to anyone else would of looked rather pathetic.

 

But to Phil, socially anxious and afraid of confrontation Phil, he looked rather intimidating.

 

His roommate then said “You sure fag? You seem pretty upset to me...”

 

Phil gulped, and then looked down at his feet. This guy was clearly trying to make Phil feel inferior to him, and the rational part of his brain knows that he isn't any less then the guy in front of him, but the other, more irrational part of his brain, was screaming at him, telling him he was indeed inferior to the other male.

 

Phil had been in this situation enough times to know, that he shouldn’t listen to those negative thoughts in his head, but instead he allows them to consume him, until he was a shaking and blubbering mess.

 

"I-I’m f-if-ne” Phil tried to get out, but found it rather hard, as he his throat was constricting against his will.

 

“Aw Phil you look like your about to cry. I hope that wasn’t about me!” His roommate exclaimed, whilst putting on an apologetic voice, and trying to muster up a fake, remorseful expression.

“ I-I”

“Leave him alone!” Louise yelled, whilst moving to stand in front of Phil. She was wearing a hot pink coat, with a matching floral dress underneath, paired with black tights, and dark pink lips. She smelled of flowers, and was currently holding a notepad and textbook in her right hand, and a brown leather handbag in her left. 

 

If Phil wasn’t so infatuated with Dan currently, he would of said she was beautiful.

 

“Can't you just leave Phil alone for one day? God, wasn't it bad enough that you pressured him into drinking all those shots, and yet now you terrorising him in the kitchen!.” Louise exclaimed in a booming voice, which definitely would of alerted anyone else present in the flat, of what was currently going down in the kitchen.

 

Great. The last thing Phil wanted right now, was more people to join them.

 

By Louise’s outburst, the flatmate visibly shrunk, and said “I wasn’t be hurtful, I was just trying to make friendly conversation, right Phil?” He glanced towards Phil with pleading eyes, and a slight tilt of the head, indicating that he wanted Phil to lie.

 

Phil had no idea what to do. The guy was being rather mean to him to be honest, and he didn’t really want to lie to Louise, someone who he was starting to consider as a friend. Yet, Phil has had plenty of experience with these sort of guys back in secondary school, and knows that if he told the truth, he will only regret it later. The guy would make sure of it.

 

Before Phil made up his mind however, Louise was already speaking for him.

 

“No you weren’t! Stop lying and trying to make Phil lie to me! You are so pathetic and we are leaving!” And with that, Louise grabs Phil's arm, and is dragging him out of the kitchen.

 

Funny. It seems every interaction he has with Louise, usually ends up with her dragging him somewhere.

 

As soon as they stepped foot outside of the kitchen, Phil’s earlier suspicions had been confirmed. In the hallway stood PJ and Tyler, who had obviously heard the commotion earlier, if the concerned looks on their faces were anything to go by.

 

“OMG WHAT WAS THAT DOUCHBAG SAYING TO YOU!?” Tyler exclaimed, whilst coming up to pull Phil into a hug. Phil hated hugs-or body contact in general- but decided to make an exception for Tyler, especially since he was in no mood to reject 'comforting' gestures, after what he experienced. Phil glanced over Tyler’s shoulder, to see PJ giving him an apologetic look, whilst standing rather awkwardly, and generally looking uncomfortable.

 

Phil doesn’t blame him. He doesn’t know how to react to negative situations either.

 

“I'll fill you in with the details, but first let's move out of the hallway. ” Louise said, and then started moving towards what Phil could only assume was her bedroom.

 

Phil didn't know what he was expecting her room to look like, but he should of known from her pink hair and bright personality, that it would of looked something like this.

 

Her room was covered from floor to ceiling, in pink and glitter. The top of the wall was covered in bright pink fairy lights, with a matching pair also being draped across her bed frame. Her bed also contained pink squares pillows, each one a different size and shade of pink. On the desk opposite her bed, lay a rose gold Macbook, and a pink glittery lava lamp.

 

What really caught Phil’s eye however, was the large mirror hanging on the wall opposite her wardrobe, which had a glitter pink frame around it, with Polaroids tucked into each of the corners.

 

“Wow girl! You really went all out on the pink glittery theme” Tyler said, whilst glancing round the room in awe.

 

“Well I believe anything can be improved with a sprinkle of glitter, including small and depressing bedrooms in student halls.” Louise said, whilst making her way to sit on the bed. She then patted the space beside her, inviting the three guys to come and join her.

 

They all attempted to fit on the bed, but due to the bed only being a twin, and Phil in particular being a very large human, they settled on Louise and Tyler taking the bed, whilst PJ and Phil sat on the floor, with half of their back resting on the side of the bed.

 

To be honest, Phil's surprised they even fit in this poor excuse of a room, in the first place.

 

Louise filled PJ and Tyler in on what just happened, and they proceeded to discuss in full detail about why.

 

“What a louse!“ Tyler exclaimed. He then added, “He called me a 'fag' and a 'fairy' when I first moved in here. He also called me a 'bum-driller' just a few days ago. I don't know whether he was trying to be offensive or not, but I just thought it was funny, mainly because it's true"

 

At this, Phil suddenly looked up at Tyler with wide eyes. Wait, was Phil not the only one suffering with this guy?

 

Louise picked up on Phil's sudden movement and facial expression, and asked “Did the same thing happen to you?”

 

“Yeah he called me a f-fag” Phil said stuttering over the last word, and with tears now prickling the corners of his eyes. Because he kept his sexuality hidden up until know, he wasn’t used to the homophobic comments some people received.

 

Phil was suddenly very reminiscent of those earlier times. Sure, he was very miserable, as he was hiding a big part of himself from the world, but at least he didn't have to deal with people's ignorance and homophobia.

 

“OMG what does this ass hole have against gays! I’m gonna go and confront him!” Tyler shouted in anger, and then proceeded to jump of the bed and walk to the door.

 

Phil was scared. He hated confrontation and in his experience, it only makes the situation worse.

 

Due to the sudden fear swirling low in his gut, he grabbed Tyler’s arm. Tyler spun round and looked at Phil. He must of been able to read the absolute panic in Phil eyes, as within seconds Tyler's face transformed from anger, to sadness, and then apologetic.

 

He knelled down next to Phil, and patted the part of his back, that wasn’t pressed up against the side of the bed. “ Sorry I forgot your not the confrontation type. I won’t go and do anything today, but I can’t promise you I’m not going to do something the next time he says something to me. You may think ignoring him would be best, but in my experience, you need to fight back” he said in a comforting voice.

 

Phil nodded meekly. He understands why Tyler wants to say or do something, but he doesn’t want someone else to fight his battles for him. He’s weak, but he doesn’t want any one else to know that, let alone the guy in the kitchen.

 

Phil was officially fed up with talking about this guy, so he mumbled “ Can we please talk about something else? Anything but this?”

 

Louise perked up straight away, and started to talk about the event the film society was holding next week. They were holding a meeting about the Christmas film show- an event they do every year, where people get into small groups, and create a mini movie themed around the festive period. They then get together a week before Christmas, and watch them all, with a vote on who's was the best at the end. 

 

To say Phil was excited, would be an understatement.

 

Phil at first was fairly active in the conversation, talking about the ideas he was forming in his mind. But naturally the conversation drifted away from the film society event, when Louise made a shocking announcement.

 

“I’m not gonna be able to get involved I don’t think “ Louise admitted, whilst looking rather glum.

 

“Aw that’s a shame, I had great plans for you to be Miss Claus from a dystopian universe.” PJ said, attempting to lighten up the mood with a joke.

 

“Hey Peej I’m all for that rule being designated to me” Tyler said in an enthusiastic voice, whilst pointing to himself. He then glanced over at Louise, put on a curious voice, and asked “ why don’t you think your gonna be able to help?”

 

“Umm.. I’m just gonna be.. too busy.. you know” Louise said, refusing to look anyone in the eye.

 

“What’s going on girl?-I mean what’s going to change in the next couple of weeks, that’s going to take up a lot of time?” Tyler asked, unable to keep his curiosity at bay.

 

“Well there is this guy...” Louise started, whilst finally glancing at each of their faces, with a tinge of red appearing on her cheeks.

 

“Girl say no more! Tell me all about him!”

 

This then lead to Tyler and Louise discussing the guy Louise was currently seeing. Phil started to tune out of the conversation. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for Louise, or wasn’t generally interested, it was just hard for him to listen to someone talk about boys and dating, without thinking about Dan.

 

And that was something he definitely did not want to think about currently.

 

His facial expression must of changed, because suddenly PJ was looking over towards him, with a questioning gaze. He moved his head slightly closer to Phil’s, and spoke in a hushed voice.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely seeing concerned for his friend.

 

“I’ve been worse” Phil replied honestly. Phil really wasn’t feeling great currently, but he didn't want to give PJ anything to worry about.

 

He honestly wasn't worth it.

 

PJ wasn’t buying it.

 

“It’s just.. I don’t mean to pry but... I overheard what you two were talking about in the kitchen... if you ever wanted to actually talk about it.. I’m always here” PJ said whilst scratching his head rather awkwardly. Phil could tell PJ was rather uncomfortable right now, which he can certainly sympathise with.  However PJ was trying his best, and Phil might as well award him with some information.

 

However, Phil wasn't really in a talking mood no more, so he just said “Dan.” He hoped PJ would be able to get the gist of the situation, by that one word.

 

If the way PJ's expression twists into sorrow is anything to go by, it’s clear PJ has understood the basics.

 

“What happened?- if you don’t mind me asking” PJ asked, keeping his voice down so he doesn’t alarm the others.

 

Phil doesn’t really want to start discussing the coffee shop incident, but he realised that he should probably get someone else’s opinion on the situation. He’s been told he overthinks too much, and dwells on the negatives.

 

Besides, PJ is a nice guy. If he was going to discuss this with anyone, it should be with him.

 

“Well I was in line getting a coffee a-and D-Dan walks in...with two other women...and we made eye contact on the way out.. and h-he looked at me, before turning away. It was odd as a second ago he looked happy to see me, maybe even was going to smile, and then just suddenly...” Phil drifted off, reliving the event again in his head.

 

PJ just looked at him confused, like Phil just told him a complex maths question, and asked him to solve it. He seemed to ponder what Phil told him for while, before he spoke again, seemly choosing his words carefully. 

 

“You know I think Dan uh...fancies you and is just too shy to admit it.” PJ said, glancing down at the floor briefly before making contact. “ I mean I can’t be 100% sure because I’m not Dan... and that sort of thing... I have a lack of experience in... I mean I don’t get many boys who have crushes on me.... and I'm not gay.. not that, that is a bad thing, just...” PJ trailed of, creating a bigger hole for himself.

 

It’s a good thing Phil is also awkward, and relates too well to what is happening, or else PJ may of lost a friend.

 

“Why do you think that?” Phil asked, generally curious as to why PJ would think that. He also wants PJ to back up his theory with evidence, so Phil can shut up that part of his brain which is screaming, 'he's only telling you that, because that is what you want to hear'.

 

“Well I mean he looks away from you a lot, which suggests making eye contact with you makes him nervous. And he blushes a lot by the seems of it, and- “ PJ attempted to explain his reasoning, but was interrupted halfway through by no other then Tyler.

 

“And the way he eye fucked you in that theatre”, Tyler unhelpfully added. Tyler sensed the disapproval rolling of both PJ and Phil, so he then added, “ what? you two think you could gossip about boys two inches away from me, and not have me share my thoughts?”

 

“What Tyler is trying to say, is we caught him a few times looking at you, and he wouldn’t be doing that if he wasn’t interested.” Louise said, attempting to transform what Tyler said, into something more appropriate.

 

“Yeah but he said my Jumper was ridiculous” Phil said.

 

 "Ridiculously ho-oomah” Tyler attempted to say, but was cut of by Louise putting her hand over his mouth.

 

“Ignore Tyler, he’s- wells he’s telling the truth, just not in the conventional way. I have only seen you and Dan together once at that movie night, but by the way he kept glancing at you and blushing, and the fact that after me and Tyler fucked up, and you moved away, he still chose to follow you and talk to you. Oh and he didn’t want to sit too close to you, which I think was just him not wanting to come across too into you, or clingy. All these things he’s doing, in my opinion anyway, is pointing towards him having a crush on you, and he just doesn’t know what to do about it.” Louise said. Phil doesn’t know whether he believes her or not, but what she is saying does make some sense, and really, why else could he be acting strange?

 

Could Dan have a crush on him?

 

It would also explain the accidental body touches, and also the winking after he said something suggestive.

 

Now that Phil thinks about, it does make sense to him.

 

Dan has a crush on him.

 

OMG Dan has a crush on PHILLIP MICHEAL LESTER.

 

A.K.A, the guy he had been wistfully pinning over, since the day they met a few weeks ago.

 

But what is a Phil going to do about it? There is two roads he could travel down, the first being the obvious one- asking him out on a date. The second one would be the safest one- do nothing.

 

Whilst he has always dreamed- or at least for the past few weeks anyway- that him and Dan would get together, he isn't sure he actually has the confidence to do that.

 

The fact of the matter is, asking someone out takes a lot of balls.

 

Something Phil has little to nothing off.

 

His friends seemed to have noticed the dilemma on his face, as straight away Tyler moves Louise’s hand from his face, and says “girl, this is the guy you have been having wet dreams about for the last few weeks- oh, what? Don’t pretend you haven’t, these walls are thinner then you think- you would have to be a complete idiot to pass up this opportunity." Tyler reasoned, adding that extra bit in the middle, when he saw Phil's mouth open in protest.

 

“Tyler’s right Phil, you like this guy and he clearly likes you back, so what are you waiting for? Go and ask him out!” Louise added, whilst throwing him a pointed look.

 

Tyler and Louise both seemed to believe that Dan has a thing for him, and has made convincing arguments for that case. They also believe that Phil should ask out Dan on a date or something.

 

However, Phil was reluctant to get caught up in what they was saying. Was all these weird moments really happening because Dan replicated Phil’s crush, or was it something else?

 

Maybe Dan saw how Phil reacted to the touches, and was pulling away from him, because he didn’t want to send Phil the wrong idea.

 

Or maybe Dan didn’t even like Phil, and was just hanging around him, because he had no one better.

 

He did say he hated his flatmates after all.

 

And besides, it just doesn’t make sense if Dan did have a crush on Phil. Phil is a 6ft 2 lanky emo, with no coordination, muscle, or social skills. And then there’s Dan: tall and wide built with some muscle, bronzed skin paired with chocolate brown curls, and a smile to die for. 

 

Dan was way out of Phil's league.

 

A mixture of anxiety and sadness started to swell up in the pit of Phil's stomach, as he started to convince himself that It would be impossible for Dan to have a crush on him, and it would make much more sense for him to actually hate him, and think of Phil as a loser.

 

OMG, Dan thinks he’s a pathetic loser, and is probably laughing at this crush Phil is harbouring for him.

 

Phil started to curl up into a ball, and bury his head into his knees. He rocked himself back and forth, trying to convince himself that he was just making this up, and was just overreacting as per usual.

 

But his mind wouldn’t shut off. It was never very good at shutting down, when Phil needed it to the most.

 

Suddenly, Phil felt someone gently rubbing his back, whilst a female was hushing in a gentle voice. It was probably supposed to be comforting, but instead made Phil hyper aware, that he was currently surrounded by people, and not just that, but people that he does consider his friends.

 

And yet here he was, having a breakdown in front of them, like some pathetic child, when they have been told they cannot have the sweets, they so desperately craved.

 

Well that’s ruined those friendships. They probably won't ever want to speak to him again.

 

All of a sudden, Phil felt this overwhelming urge to leave the room, and so he stood up, ripped the arm that was caressing his back away from him, and walked out of the room without a word.

 

He rushed back to his room, and dived straight into his bed, curling himself up under the sheets, in hopes that they would swallow him whole. There he lay for an unknown amount of time, feeling exhausted and unable to move.

 

Eventually, a knock broke through the silence of the room, forcing Phil to eject himself from the warm cocoon of blankets and safety, and answer the door. 

 

After a fairly eventful trip to the door- it was pitch black, and Phil had lots of random crap scattered across his floor, creating the perfect opportunity to trip over.. well everything-he took a deep breath, and hesitantly opened the door, praying however it was, wouldn't bother him for too long. 

 

On the other side of the door was PJ, who had a rather nervous smile, and made brief eye contact with Phil, before asking to come in. Phil stepped away from the door, leaving a space just big enough to allow PJ through, as he didn’t want to expose how much of a mess he was, to everyone else.

 

PJ took a few steps into his room, before stopping and having a quick look round, before glancing at Phil. He didn’t say anything, but the expression in his eyes said everything.

 

PJ could see how broken Phil actually was.

 

He took another step into the room and turned around, so he was now facing Phil completely. Phil closed the door, as clearly PJ wanted to talk in private, or else he would’ve of waited for Phil to venture out of his room.

 

If that ever actually happened that was.

 

“Um... I can tell your.. uh not feeling great currently.. and I’m not that great at comforting people.. but I just wanted to tell you something...” PJ trails off not being able to look Phil in the eyes. He knows for a fact PJ is out of his comfort zone here, and so makes an effect to seem interested, as he doesn't want PJ to think his effort was for nothing. 

 

Phil makes a continue gesture with his hands, as he wanted PJ to know that he can say whatever he needs to, but at the same time, doesn't trust his voice to not break if he spoke. 

 

“It’s just that... Tyler and Louise is right.. I think anyway.. about the whole um... Dan crush thing. They may not have portrayed it in the best way.. but it’s probably true. “ PJ admitted, whilst looking down at the floor.

 

Phil didn’t know what to reply with. To him, it just doesn’t make sense, but all three of his-maybe-friends, seem to think it’s true.

 

And they all can’t be wrong... can they??

 

PJ seemed to mistake his silence as something else, as he then added “and don’t think you have to feel you have to ask him out... I mean... they made it kinda sound like you have to... but you don’t... just you now..” PJ trailed off, whilst rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

 

God he really is awkward. Just like Phil.

 

Phil suddenly feels an overwhelming warmth take over him. He may be weird and awkward and generally a nightmare to be around, but so was PJ. He wasn’t the only one like this, and that fact comforts him, and generally makes him feel less alone. Out of nowhere, a smile stats to creep up onto his face.

 

So what he is weird, and queer, and shy? Clearly not everyone such as his flatmate seems to have a problem with that. PJ seems completely okay with that, and when he thinks about it, so does Louise and Tyler.

 

It’s just his mind overthinking everything. Again.

 

Phil for the first time since PJ steps into his room, looks as him and says “thank you” . This causes PJ to look at him and smile. They then fall into a comfortable silence, that Phil basks in, as this is the first time in a long time, that he generally feels okay, or as close to okay as possible for him, giving the circumstances.

 

Phil would be happy stay here for forever, but sadly his stomach has other ideas. It rumbled rather obnoxiously, causing both of them to break out of their silence. It was at this moment that Phil realised, he had barely eaten today, and is therefore ravenous. 

 

PJ seemed to pick up on the noise too, as with a chuckle, he asked if Phil wanted to join him for pizza. Phil, never being one to turn down some pizza, said ‘yes’ and so Phil and PJ, spent the night talking about their love of films, whilst taking bites of pizza, When they ran out of things to say about films, they started to talk about video games, and they found out that they share another common interest: Mario Kart. This then led to PJ admitting he brought his Nintendo Switch with him, and without another word, they went into PJ's room, and spent the rest of the night playing Mario Kart.

 

.........

 

Phil spent the next couple of days really focusing on his university work, and when he wasn’t doing that, he spent his time hanging out with PJ, either playing Mario Kart, or discussing their ideas for the Christmas film society event. It’s their first year, and the meeting about the event isn’t for another few days yet, so they are unsure on the rules and regulations of the project, but that hasn't stopped them from brainstorming their ideas.

 

PJ seems to be just as creative and eccentric as Phil was, which made Phil feel like he can openly express his ideas, without fear that he would be judged as weird.

 

This was rare for Phil, but definitely not unwelcome!

 

Tyler and Louise also hang out with them on occasion, and they do not bring up Dan again- or Louise’s new boyfriend for that matter.

 

Phil wishes they didn’t feel the need to avoid topics around him, in fear he would breakdown, but he is still grateful for it none the less.

 

However, this brief happy period Phil was currently experiencing, came to a close on Friday night. All their flatmates went out to the local bar, for a pint or two, apart from PJ and Phil, who both said they would rather stay in, order Chinese takeout, and binge watch the entire Jurassic Park series.

 

So they did just that.

 

It started well, as they both loved Jurassic Park, and the sweet and sour chicken they ordered was going down a treat.

 

However, at about 1:00am, when PJ and Phil was halfway through the third movie, all their flatmates stumbled into the flat, clearly pissed out of their minds.

 

Well everyone apart from Louise, Phil noticed.

 

Clearly PJ noticed too, as his first words to Tyler- who was currently attempting to sit on Phil's lap-was “where is Louise?"

 

“Oh she’s gone to her new boyfriends flat. Lucky her! I wish I was getting some right now” Tyler said rather glumly. Suddenly he perked up, and added, “You now, if you just asked out Dan already, that could be you right now, getting some cheeky bum sex” He said, whilst poking Phil's noise at the end.

 

Hopefully Tyler was too wasted to notice, how red Phil’s face turned, at those particular words. He willed himself not to think down that path, or else this situation could get very awkward, very quick.

 

Instead he just mumbled, “ I don’t think that would happen”, whilst focusing on Tyler’s knee, which was now currently hanging of the end of his lap.

 

“No way girl! Your such a hunk! Your eyes are the colour of the ocean, and you have freckles sprinkled all across your body. No to mention, you have a lot of booty in the trunk” Tyler said with a wink.

 

If it was at all possible, Phil would of blushed deeper. PJ was also clearly out of his comfort zone, as he hasn’t spoke since, and is in fact paying a lot of attention to the floor. 

 

Phil didn’t know how to reply to that. He clearly doesn’t look like that, and besides, Tyler’s drunk, and if that comment he made earlier is anything to go by, probably horny.

 

Tyler probably thinks Jabba the Hut is sexy right now.

 

Luckily he didn’t have to think of anything to say, as a voice approaching them spoke first.

 

“Can you twinks stop flirting on this sofa! Nobody wants to see that!"

 

Uh oh. Phil recognised that voice. He recognised it very well.

 

“Well first thing Mr Homophobia, twinks is a very outdated term. If your going to insult the gays, do it right! Secondly, we are not flirting, I’m just giving him some much needed self-confidence, so he can ask out his crush, and live happily ever after.” Phil is quite impressed with Tyler’s speech, as he is absolutely tabled, and yet, he is not only able to string coherent sentences together, but also able to make a point, something Phil struggles to do even when sober. 

 

Phil wishes he was like that.

 

 "Oh so Phil is not man enough to ask out his crush? Typical poofters, they lack the strength of a real man. We don’t cower in fear when we ask out a girl, and we are never rejected. You guys are weak and pathetic, and you know it” he spat, whilst pulling a strange face. This guy seems to have a real issue with gays, but why, Phil doesn’t know.

 

What Phil does know however, is he has a sudden rush of anger and adrenaline run through him. What he is saying is not true, and he knows it. Maybe Tyler is right, and this guy needs to be taught a lesson.

 

Phil pushes Tyler of his lap-much to the complaint of Tyler- and stands up. “ You're wrong, you know”. Phil says in a loud voice, surprising himself with how confident he sounds.

 

“Oh really? Prove it!” The guy challenges, moving closer to Phil. Phil, to make a point, looks down at him, and makes eye contact.

 

And that is when Phil loses all the confidence he was up until that point, possessing.

 

He knows he’s right. Just because he is into guys, doesn’t mean he is weak, or pathetic, or anything this guy is insinuating.

 

But yet, what happens if he is wrong? What happens if the reason he is so self conscious, and shy, is because he isn’t straight? Phil knows it’s illogical, but still, he could not help dwelling on it.

 

Suddenly Phil wished he kept his mouth shut.

 

The other guy seemed to pick up on his wavering, as he smirks to himself, before saying “ So I’m right”. He sounded so cocky, and Phil wanted nothing more, then to knock him down a few feet.

 

So he did.

 

“I’m gonna ask him out!” Phil shouted, whilst making eye contact. Everything inside Phil, was screamed at him to look away, but he refused to do that.

 

He refused to give him the satisfaction.

 

“Will you really? Okay then!” He replied, chuckling to himself, and seemly finding this whole scenario very funny.

 

“I-I will! I’m going to see him tomorrow.. I will a-ask h-h-him then” He stuttered. The thought was making him very nervous, but dammit! He was not weak, and he was going to prove that.

 

And when he does, maybe he will be left alone.

 

“Okay, well, I look forward to your friends telling me about how you chickened out, at the very last minute” he said, and with that, he walked off back into his room.

 

It was at that moment, that it sunk in, what Phil has just said, and the consequences of that said thing.

 

He was going to ask out Dan.

 

Oh God.

 

Phil suddenly felt really weak, and he knelt down, trembling along the way. His mind was swimming, thinking of all the ways this could go wrong, and everything he could do to get out of it.

 

But it was no use-he was totally screwed.

 

Whilst Phil began his second melt down in the period of a few days, PJ attempted to comfort him. He moved closer, and moved his hand, until is was hovering over his back, as if he had no idea where to put it. He then spoke “Phil you don’t have-“

 

These words woke Phil up, from the almost trance state in put himself in. He lifted himself off the floor, and wiped his arm across his face, before looking at PJ and mumbling, “No I have too, I have to prove I’m not weak” , and with that he dragged himself to his room.

 

.............

 

It was the next day, and Phil, along with his 3 amigos, where walking down towards the film society meeting.

 

To say Phil was nervous, would be an understatement.

 

He hasn’t eaten all day, as the thought of food made him want to vomit. He was shaking, and was a lot paler then usual. He fussed over every little aspect of how he looked, which then led to Tyler pointing himself as Phil's personal stylist for the day.

  
Now normally, Phil would be worried about Tyler creating a look for him, as his style can be a bit flamboyant at times, but Phil had no idea what looked good on him, so maybe some advice from Tyler would be a positive thing.

 

After much debating- well, mainly arguing- they settled on a black button up with a Corgi pattern, and matching black skinny jeans. Tyler wanted Phil to wear a red button up short-sleeved top, with tiny white hearts on, but Phil thought that might of been too much.

 

Phil, after all,  did not want to give Dan the impression, that he was a love-sick fool.

 

Even if that was what he was.

 

Kind of.

 

When they arrived, Phil was quick to notice Dan in the crowded room. Even if Phil didn't have a crush on this guy, he would still spot him from a mile away, with his tall, broad figure, and monochrome aesthetic.

 

Today, Dan was sporting a black jumper, with a white grid like pattern across it. He too, was also wearing black skinny jeans.

 

Dan looked perfect. As he always does.

 

Phil suddenly felt self conscious, and crossed his arms over his slightly pudgy stomach. Louise must of picked up on this, as she quickly started patting his back, whilst giving him a reassuring smile, seemingly saying 'you could do it' without words.

 

This was pathetic, Phil thought. The fact he would be affected so much by a person, that he turns into a nervous wreck, when he sees them. 

 

With one last look back at his friends, he takes a deep breath, and stumbles over towards Dan, tripping up along the way.

 

He hopes Dan did not see that.

 

"Um.. hi Dan" Phil mumbled rather incoherently.

 

"Is someone speak- oh hi Phil" Dan replied with a slight smile and small wave. It looked like he wanted to smile more, but something was stopping him.

 

"Um... it's quite cold outside, isn't it?" Phil said, trying to make conversation. He mentally slapped himself however, when he realised his go to topic, was the weather.

 

Way to live up to the British stereotype Phil, not to mention woo this man.

 

"Well that may be because winter is upon us" Dan replied in a very sarcastic voice. Was it him, or did Dan seem on edge about something?

 

Phil racked his brain for some form of good conversation, until he realised where he was. 

 

The film society meeting, about the Christmas film project.

 

Phil starting asking Dan about his ideas for his miniature film, and whilst at first, he seemed hesitant to open up, after a few minutes, Dan wouldn't shut up, and a large smile was starting to form on his face.

 

Good, Phil thought. If he was going to do this, he needed Dan to feel relaxed and happy. 

 

When Dan starting to giggle slightly, after Phil confided in one of his more wackier ideas, that even PJ said was a bit weird, he knew now was the time to pop the question.

 

"Um..Dan?" Phil asked, not able to look Dan in the eye. 

 

"Yes Phil" Dan asked expectantly.

 

"Um...Never mind" Phil choked out.

 

Phil chickened out. He could not believe this.

 

He was as weak, as his flatmate said he was.

 

When he heard about this later, he was no doubt going to laugh at Phil, and taunt him for the rest of time.

 

Oh God what has Phil done?

 

Phil was brought back to reality, by Dan saying something, and then moving away. No, he can not let this opportunity pass up. He is strong, and just as much of a man, as every other straight man is.

 

And this will prove it.

 

 

Feeling a sudden burst of confidence, he shouts out Dan's name, causing Dan to turn back around.

 

“Yeah Phil?” Dan replied, slightly confused as to why Phil would stop him.

 

“Would you like to... um you now... grab coffee together... sometime..” Phil stutters out, whilst his heart does back flips at every spoken word.

 

He can’t believe he just said it.

 

Take that homophobic flatmate!

 

“You mean get coffee together- I mean sure, we usually bump into each other there anyway, do you even need to ask? Casual coffee shop hangouts, are my favourite type of activity, to do with friends" Dan replied, seemingly not grasping what Phil was really asking. 

 

“No-I mean...not casual... but more... um..like a d-d-date?” Phil hesitatingly added. Now that he has said it, he's unable to move, just waiting for Dan to respond.

 

Can you have a heart attack from asking someone out on a date?  Phil isn't sure, but he's going to find out shortly, if his heart rates increases any further.

 

Suddenly Dan is moving away quickly, whilst shaking his hands rapidly in front of him. Dan looks panic stricken, and his eyes are darting across the room, like he is searching for someone. He looks back at Phil briefly, before replying  “A date.. ew no I’m not g-g-gay, that's disgusting! I have a girlfriend because I-uh you know.. like v-vagina"

  
And with that, Dan scurries away from him, somehow blending into the back of the room.

  
Dan, yet again, has run away from him, only this time he knows what this means.

 

 

Dan doesn't like him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> If you wanna know, I have had a hectic weekend, which has left little time for writing and editing. On Friday night, I went to see Dan and Phil in Cardiff, which was amazing! (Dan noticed me, and Phil waved at me- I'm gonna die happy now lol!) I also worked an extra long shift at work on Sunday, and since it was also bank holiday weekend in the U.K, I have spent a lot of time with my family!
> 
> Sorry for the late update guys!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr- https://www.tumblr.com/blog/animelester to rave about II with me!


	4. We're Going To Be Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two things to note this week:
> 
> BFG is a character from a book, written by a very famous children's author (Roald Dahl) in the U.K. BFG stands for Big, Friendly, Giant. 
> 
> Games is what we call 'sports' or 'gym' in the U.K.
> 
> Chapter title taken from by 'We're Going To Be Friends' by The White Stripes.

 

 

A few days had passed, and Phil was still struggling to wrap his head around what happened.

 

Dan said he was straight, which Phil obviously had no problem with, but it was the way he said it, almost like he was insulted to be considered anything but.

 

Phil couldn't lie, that really hurt. 

 

Not just because that means him and Dan could never get together, but also his tone of voice, which insinuated that he had a problem with gays.

 

Phil isn't completely gay, as he is definitely attracted to females-the giant Sarah Michelle Geller poster he had recently plastered onto his bedroom wall is proof of that- but why should that make a difference to Dan?

 

Why should this affect Dan at all? 

 

Does he hate Phil for liking guys? Could they not be friends, just because Phil is attracted to guys?

 

Phil doesn't know, but hopefully Dan isn't some homophobic arsehole, that will hold something that Phil cannot change about himself, against him. 

  
  
However, whilst Phil thought Dan had a severe case of homophobia, his friends seem to think Dan was indeed lying.

 

And boy were they not afraid to say that.

  
“Yeah right! I’ve never met a straight guy with great fashion sense,” Louise exclaimed, whilst sipping on her hot chocolate. Because Phil asked Dan out mere minutes before the Film society meeting began, they where close by when it happened. They tried to stay away and not eavesdrop, but as soon as they heard Dan getting defensive, they quickly came towards Phil to make sure he was okay.

 

And also, because they correctly predicted that Phil would try to escape the situation, which after some heavy bribing in the form of free coffee and sugary treats if he stays, they managed to make him take part in the meeting.

 

And by take part, he meant be physically present, whilst his mind was wandering off, and his heart was shattering into a million pieces. 

 

This was where they was now, his friends making good of their promise on filling him up with caffeine and sugar, all of which, was on them. Of course, they tried to keep the conversation light and pleasant, but, within 5 minutes, everyone was talking about Dan.

   
  
“That’s a bit stereotypical Louise,” PJ spoke up, affronting Louise about her earlier comment. It was rare for PJ to confront someone, but if someone says something, that he himself feels is wrong, he will gather up all his courage and force himself to speak up. 

  
  
Phil admires him for that.

  
  
“I’m just saying, he doesn’t strike me as your typical straight guy. Besides, if he was straight, then why does he act the way he does around Phil. And why did he get so defensive when Phil asked him out?- it was borderline homophobic,” Louise said, attempting to explain her earlier point.

  
  
“I do agree, it doesn’t make sense- I mean the way he acts around Phil, is similar to a teenage girl with a crush, what with all the blushing and stolen glances," PJ agreed, with a puzzled expression filling his face.

 

  
“God I love a good closet case” Tyler unhelpfully added.

  
  
Since then, things have been understandably awkward between Dan and Phil.

  
  
Whilst both haven’t actively pursued each other, they have bumped into each other a few times, in places such as the coffee shop, or just generally around campus, when they are travelling to and from their lectures and seminars.

  
  
Dan's reaction to them bumping into each other, seems to differ each time, presumably something to do with Dan's ever-changing mood. Some days, Dan will make eye contact with him briefly, with a smile gracing his lips, before turning away with a tinge of red on his cheeks. Sometimes he will do a small wave, and mumble a greeting. But some days, he will ignore Phil completely, like he was nothing more then a mere acquaintance, that he had the displeasure of knowing.

  
  
These different reactions, meant Phil was constantly on edge, as he had no idea what to expect, when he inevitably bumped into Dan.

 

All he wanted, was for things to go back to normal, with him and Dan.

 

But he was reluctant to bring this up, with a moody Dan.

  
  
Especially now, that Dan knows how Phil really feels about him. Everything he does, could be seen as him doing it, because he has feelings for him.

  
  
Phil has never felt so self aware of his actions- and that is saying something.  
  
  
However, one day, Phil completely snapped. He was having a bad day to say the least, as his alarm failed to wake him up, so he was late to his morning lecture. He did not have time for a morning cup of coffee to fully wake him up, and a bowl of cereal to satisfy his growling stomach. What’s even worse, was it was pouring down with rain outside, meaning Phil got drenched on the walk down to the lecture hall. He then had to walk in with every one watching, and he took his seat, where he spent the next two hours looking and smelling like a drenched rat. He did not miss the looks thrown his way, or the whispers behind him, reminding him of how bad he looked.

  
  
So his day was not getting off to the best start.

  
Phil decided that he deserved a treat for the hell of a morning he had just suffered through, and so went to his favourite coffee shop for a caffeine pick me up, and some food for his grumbling stomach. 

 

This particular coffee shop, also seems to be a favourite for Dan, as Phil has bumped into him here, more times then not.

  
  
So he should of been less surprised, when he walked in, and saw Dan leaning over a table in the corner, staring at a laptop screen, with a very bored expression plastered onto his face. 

  
  
He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

  
  
Phil decides that since he is already miserable, he might as well go over and greet Dan, as surely any reaction Dan could give, would be nothing, compared to the disaster of a morning, he had just gone through.

  
  
Apparently Phil was wrong however, because as soon as Dan noticed Phil walking towards him, a smile danced across his face, and his eyes shimmered, before he tensed up, and quickly looked away.

  
  
This reaction from Dan, made something snap inside of Phil, and he approached Dan with a new found determination, fuelled by a mixture of anger and confusion.

 

Why does Dan seem happy to see him at first, and then within seconds, he seems miserable or uninterested?

  
  
“Why do you keep doing that?” Phil asked, rather harshly, inwardly cringing as he realised how brash he sounded. He didn’t care enough to apologise, and he generally was intrigued as to why Dan was acting strange, if it wasn’t because of a crush like his friends had suggested, then what was it? 

  
  
“Do what?!” Dan replied in a defensive tone. Phil thought Dan knew exactly what he was on about, but didn’t want to discuss it for some reason.

  
  
Fine. Phil wasn’t going to push him, despite how curious he was. And besides, he was starting to feel a bit self conscious under Dan's intense gaze, that was accompanied with crossed arms, and furrowed brows. 

 

Besides, all he wanted from Dan right now, was the ability to make non-awkward small talk, whilst looking each other in the eye. The rest can wait- for now anyway. 

  
  
“You know what? Forget it! Let’s just forget everything that has occurred since we met, and just pretend that the last few weeks haven't happened at all,” Phil reasoned, thinking what he was asking for, was reasonable.

  
  
Dan seemed to think otherwise.

  
  
“Okay- It will be hard though,” Dan answered, muttering the last part so quietly, Phil didn’t even know, if he was supposed to hear it or not.

  
  
It doesn’t matter anyway, because he did, and just like everything Dan said or does lately, it confused the hell out of him.

  
  
“What does that mean?” Phil inquired, trying to keep the rising frustration he was currently feeling, at bay.

 

  
“Oh...um... nothing. Let’s....um try that- if you want to anyway” Dan stuttered, confirming that Phil was indeed, not supposed to have heard that.

  
  
“Fine, okay” Then an awkward silence fell between the two. Phil didn’t know what to do. Dan has given Phil a second chance-rather tentatively by the seems of it, but still a second chance nonetheless-and he was determined to not mess it up.

  
  
However, Phil was uncertain, about how to go about this. Everything he does with Dan, usually ends up being awkward, in one way or another, and he is determined to not mess up this opportunity. 

  
  
And yet, the irony of the situation was, whilst Phil was desperately trying to come up with a solid way, to begin their new, and hopefully, lifelong friendship, they had settled into a -you guessed it- awkward silence.

  
  
After minutes of brainstorming different ideas in his head, he came to the conclusion, that there was only one thing he could actually do, and with that realisation, he walked over to the barista, to purchase a coffee and two pistachio muffins. Phil didn't know Dan well enough, to know his preferences when it came to food, but he knows Dan has ordered one of those before, so he thought it was a safe bet.

  
  
He payed for them, and then made his way, back over to where Dan was sat. He stood in front of the empty seat next to him, and spoke in his friendliest voice, “excuse me, is this seat taken?”

  
  
Dan looked up, with a hesitant expression plastered onto his face, before he realised that it was just Phil, and then a smile graced his face.

  
  
And when he says smile, he means an actual smile, showcasing his pearly white teeth and cheek dimples, instead of one of those smaller smiles that appear, before quickly disappearing. 

  
  
Maybe all they needed, was a fresh start.

  
  
“No it’s free,” Dan answered, in a very soft voice. Phil suddenly feels warm all other, as he has never heard that particular tone before, and he assumes that voice is reserved for special occasions, when people succeed to break down that hard exterior he has created.

  
  
Now that Phil starts to think about it, he wonders if all the black clothing, sarcasm, and overall moodiness, could all just be an act he puts on, and his true self, is a soft and friendly giant, similar to the BFG. 

  
  
No, Phil thought, now wasn’t the time for him to start analysing Dan’s personality. He’s here to get rid of the awkwardness, that was ghosting them, and for some reason, Phil seems to be succeeding.

  
  
Phil pulls back the chair, and moves to sit down on it, aware that Dan’s eyes, where watching his every move.

  
  
For someone who doesn’t have a crush on him, he is staring at Phil, a LOT.

  
  
Phil takes a sip of his coffee, before unpacking the two muffins, from their brown packaging.

  
  
“Oh no, they gave me an extra muffin by mistake,” Phil said, hoping his acting skills where not as bad, as he feared. 

  
  
Dan looked down, at the muffins on the table, and his eyes widen in response, accompanied by an unconscious lick of his lips. Phil was memorised by the action, but quickly tore his gaze away, in fear that Dan would catch him staring, and things would be awkward between them, in response.

  
  
“You know, I happen to like pistachio muffins, so if you need any help eating them, I could surely be of assistance,” Dan said, thankfully playing along with Phil's game.

  
  
“It’s all yours,” Phil replied, whilst pushing the spare muffin across the table, into Dan’s reach. Dan picked up his muffin, and took a huge bit out of it, moaning as he chewed and swallowed that piece.

  
  
“Oh my god, this is like the best thing I’ve had in my mouth for a long time,” Dan said, whilst making more inappropriate noises. Phil had to restrain himself, from thinking about the implication of those words.

  
  
Phil decides that he desperately needs to distract himself from Dan, and so asks Dan the first question that pops into his head. Besides, it's not like Dan can continue with the suggestive comments and noises, when hes busy talking-right?

 

Phil hoped not anyway. 

  
  
“So Dan, what you doing here?” Phil asked, mentally berating himself for asking such a boring question.

  
  
“Well I have an essay due in tomorrow, and I haven’t started it yet, so I thought I would get a coffee, and crack on with it.”

  
  
“Ah, and how far have you gotten with it?” Phil asks trying to be polite.

  
  
“Well... I haven’t actually written it yet...” Dan replied rather sheepishly.

  
  
Phil just laughed, causing Dan to relax slightly, like he was originally expecting Phil to scold him.

  
  
“What’s it about? Maybe I can help?” Phil asked, genuinely wanting to help Dan, and not just trying to be a supportive friend.

  
  
“Well unless you can tell me about English contract law, you're probably going to be no help,” Dan said whilst chuckling at the end, when he noticed Phil's expression, has transformed to one full of confusion.

  
  
“Sorry I’m currently studying romanticism and lexicography, so I can’t help you," Phil replied, worried Dan would think he was dumb, as he was unable to help him, and so used big words in hopes of impressing him. If the way Dan's eyebrows travelled up his face, is anything to go by, it worked.

  
  
“Ah, that sounds so much more interesting than this."

  
  
“I guess... I mean don’t get me wrong, I love English, and writing, and speaking, and all that, but.....it just isn’t my passion in life,” Phil replied honestly, whilst playing with the now, half empty cup in front of him.

  
  
“So what is your passion in life?” Dan asked, seemingly invested in Phil's answer, as he closes his laptop, and pushes it to the side, giving Phil his full undivided attention. 

  
  
“Film and media, and creating things, and..... you know...just doing things.. like that,” Phil answered truthfully. He didn't know where all this honesty was coming from, as usually when asked questions like this, he would either lie, or refuse to answer. Yet, with Dan, he feels the need to confide in him. Why, he doesn't know, and that terrifies.

 

When it comes to Phil, Dan literally, has all the power.

  
  
“Hence why you joined the film society I suppose?” Dan asked, joining the dots together in his head.

  
  
“Yeah” Phil replied. They then settled into silence, which wasn’t awkward per se, but Phil had Dan talking to him now, and he wasn’t prepared for him to stop. To keep the conversation rolling between them, Phil asked, “and why did you join the film society?”

  
  
“Oh.. same I guess... just always had a passion for film” Dan mumbled, whilst looking  at his hands, which was currently playing with the stray crumbs, of what was now left, of the pistachio muffin.

  
  
"Oh, so contact law isn’t your passion then?”

  
  
At this, Dan laughed, which made a feeling of warmth, spread from Phil's gut. This particular laugh was soft, and free of life stresses, and reminded him, of his more happier and innocent childhood memories. 

  
  
Phil wished Dan laughed like this more often.

  
  
“Firstly, it's conTRACT law, and secondly, no, definitely not. I have to study that for my course, which I only ever chose, because I didn’t know what else to do, and I thought I could get a career out of it” Dan replied, a brief smile appearing on his face, as he corrected Phil's mistake, before his usual frown took over.

  
  
At this, Phil suddenly felt compelled, to tell Dan the truth about his degree. They seem to have similar reasons, as to why they are studying, what they are studying, and Phil thought, that by telling Dan something personal, he could make him smile again.

  
  
Or at least feel less alone.

  
  
“You know, that’s kinda similar as to why I’m pursuing my English degree. Whilst I do love books, and writing, I do have a particular love for film editing. The only reason I didn’t go for a degree In that, was because, everyone was telling me it was a bad degree to get, and English would be better to make a career out of,” Phil answered truthfully, whilst unable to make eye contact. At this moment, Phil felt the most vulnerable, he has ever felt...well apart from that... encounter... a few days ago. However, at the same time, he feels okay, like he knew Dan wasn't going to judge him, for something like this.

  
  
“That's the same reason I pursued law, like I said, so I can understand why you did English. Plus, I want everything I do to be meaningful to...well, everyone, and thought Law would be a good way to go, as your helping people seek legal justice, and do some good in the world. How can media positively impact people's lives?" Dan's voice turned more and more passionate, yet simultaneously gloomier, as he ranted on. It’s seems to Phil, that Dan is a deep thinker, and overthinks everything he does.

  
  
Phil knows from personal experience, that, that, is a very unhealthy thing to do.

  
  
Besides, Phil thought Dan was wrong. about media not having a positive impact on people's lives. When he was personally feeling down, he would switch on an episode of Buffy, and he would feel instantly better. It may not solve the problem, but it helped take his mind off it for a bit, and that, Phil was eternally thankful for.  He was just about to voice his opinion on the matter, but just as he opened his mouth, Dan started -what Phil likes to call -panic rambling. 

  
  
“Sorry, that’s too deep.... I mean we are just two buddies hanging out, and here I am discussing my attempt to add meaning  to my life. Soz, this probs not what you wanted. You probs want to keep the convo light,” Dan said, whilst glancing down at the floor. Phil hates that Dan feels this way, and that he feels bad for dumping his problemms on others.

  
  
His heart clenches for Dan, but for a different reason then usual (a.k.a not the 'I have a massive crush on you' way).

  
  
“You know Dan... It’s good to talk about these things, and if you wanted to...you could talk to me about them... BUT only if you want to” Phil said, emphasising the 'but', as he didn't want to come on to strong to Dan. 

 

Previous experience has shown, that is not a good idea.

  
  
“Um... thank you... but I rather talk about something else right now,” Dan said, voice laced with genuine gratitude. Whilst saying this he blushed, and a tiny smile appeared onto his face.

  
  
Although Phil was hoping, that Dan would open up to him a bit more, he understood this was the beginning, of what was-hopefully- a very solid friendship, so Phil buried his curiosity deep inside him. He then racked his brains, trying to think of something he could talk about with Dan, without provoking him in any way. 

 

It took a few minutes, for an idea to make itself known, inside of his head. By then, Dan was twisting the muffin case in his hands, scattering crumbs everywhere. 

  
  
“Are you excited for the film society project?” Phil asked, barely able to contain his excitement. He hopes Dan feels the same way, or else this could lead to an awkward silence, which he has experienced way too many times with Dan.

  
  
“Umm.. kinda I suppose,” Dan drifted off in a quiet voice, like he was afraid of voicing a different opinion.

  
  
“oh..um.. why?” 

  
  
“Well... I mean... you have to be in groups... and I have no one..” 

  
  
Whilst Phil wasn't there-mentally anyway- for the meeting, he still knew the rules of the Christmas film project, as PJ filled him in, once he was in a better state of mind.

  
  
“We need to be in groups of 2-4, and any ideas, set designs, costumes, e.t.c, must be original ideas from members of the group. Main characters must also be played by the members of the group, but any minor or background characters, can be played by other people. The film must not contain anything deemed inappropriate or offensive, and must be between 20-30 minutes long.” PJ filled Phil in on the details, whilst playing Mario Kart. Phil was currently destroying PJ, and so PJ hoped, that bringing this up, will distract Phil from the game.

 

Unlucky for PJ, Phil could see straight through his intentions, and so ignored what he said, until after he won that race, when he asked him to repeat the rules.

 

What Dan said, sent a shooting pain through his heart, as he was mind was replaying moments, from his lonely school years, where he was-most of the time anyway- picked last for games. 

 

Phil could relate all too well, to the pain Dan was currently experiencing, which probably led to him saying what he said next, without thinking twice about it. 

  
  
“You could join my group- we had someone drop out due to other commitments, so you're more then welcome to join us.”’ Phil offered. It wasn't until he stopped speaking, that he realised how desperate that sounded. Sure, Phil meant it as a helpful friend, but what happens if Dan interprets it as something else? What happens if Dan thinks Phil is desperately trying to get him to join their group, because he is a loser with an unreciprocated crush, and so wants any excuse to spend more time with him?

  
  
“Um I dunno.. like.... I only know you... are you sure the others in your group, would be okay with me joining you?” Dan asked. Phil could not tell, if Dan was genuinely concerned, about Phil's flat mates not wanting him to join, or whether he was just making excuses.

  
  
Nevertheless, Phil has just suggested the idea, and is going to go all out on trying to convince Dan, he is more than welcome to join them in the project. Besides, Phil could be overthinking everything again, and maybe Dan did actually want to join him, but was concerned about Phil's friends reaction, to finding out they have an extra member. 

 

And anyway, Phil would be lying to himself, if he said he didn't actually want Dan to join their group.

 

He does. So much.

  
  
“It’s just me, Tyler, and PJ, all of which you have met before at the...uh...Star Wars movie showing.. Anyway, they both are really nice people, and both thought you was alright too... “ Phil trailed off, realising that talking about that night, was probably not the best idea, if he wanted Dan to join them. He doesn’t know what impression he got from them that night, but he doubts it was 'nice'.

  
  
“Really.... I mean I expect they are..but... the one with glasses was a bit loud and overbearing.. the other one however I can get along with.. you know how he didn’t speak at all- I can respect that in a friend” Dan admitted, being honest about what he thought of his flatmates.

  
  
“Yeah, I admit, Tyler can be a bit much at times, but he is generally a really nice guy, despite his rather unhelpful commentary with...uh yeah” Phil stopped himself, before he started to spill, what exactly he had been talking with Tyler about recently.

  
  
That would defiantly make things awkward between them.

  
  
“Well, if your sure they won’t mind.. then okay- I mean I do have some ideas... that’s if you guys haven’t decided what you're doing yet...” Dan trailed of, trying to act nonchalant, but Phil could see the slight smile on his lips, and the glimmer in his eyes, as he spoke. 

  
  
“No, we haven’t decided yet- in fact on Saturday we are meeting here at noon, to discuss what idea we are going to go through with, and the basic planning, role designations, e.t.c. “

  
  
“Oh cool- if you don't mind me saying, I have this really cool idea.."

 

"No, go ahead"

  
  
And with that, they talked about their visions for the project, getting lost in their respective imaginations, and the creativity of the other's mind. 

  
  
It was fair to say, Dan forgot about his essay deadline, and Phil forgot that this coffee trip, was supposed to a 10 minute break, and not an all day chat.

  
  
However, they where eventually brought back to the harsh reality of real life, when Dan's phone started buzzing on the table. At first, Dan ignored the vibrating, but after Phil suggested Dan should answer it, he picked it up, and with a huff, he answered, in a very irritated voice. 

 

  
So Dan didn't think Phil was eavesdropping, he took out his own phone,  and checked the time, eyes bugging out their sockets, when he realised what time it was.

  
  
2:03pm! How?!?

  
  
Thankfully, the only things Phil had to do today, was attend two lectures, one at 9am, and one at 3pm, so he hadn't missed anything so far, and still had some time to talk to Dan, before the next one.

 

Phil was contemplating what he and Dan should talk about next, when Dan suddenly drops his phone onto the table, stands up, and hastily shoves his laptop into his bag.

   
  
“Sorry that my girlfriend.. I was supposed to go and meet her 30 minutes ago, and because I am the worst boyfriend in the world, I forgot, so I better go meet her now.” Dan explained in a rather glum voice, refusing to look at Phil, till he had finished speaking. 

  
  
“No worries, I have a lecture in an hour anyway, so I couldn't stay much longer myself,” Phil reassured, plastering on a fake smile, whilst his heart smashed into a million pieces, at the reminder that Dan has a girlfriend.

  
  
“Um...yeah...see you on Saturday then?” Dan asked, with a hesitant look in his eye, and a frown etched onto his face.

  
  
“Yep see you on Saturday”

  
  
Dan glanced at Phil one last time, before he stomped away, like a moody child, being asked to do something, he didn’t want to.

  
  
Huh, Phil thought. That’s odd. He would of thought, that Dan would of been happy, to see his girlfriend. 

  
  
  
Phil sat in the coffee shop for 20 more minutes, thinking over everything that has occurred today.

 

He and Dan are friendly again, which is amazing, and Dan is working on the Christmas film project with them, which is a giant bonus.    
  


That thought alone, makes Phil's shattered heart, repair itself, as that means him and Dan, are going to be spending quite a lot of time together. over the next few weeks.

 

Phil could hardly wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter very much! Kudos and Comments are much appreciated! 
> 
> Whilst I will be updating weekly(ish), I will not be updating on Sunday, or have a set day for updates, as I find that just adds to much stress, and turns writing this fic into actual work, which is horrendous! 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @animelester

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are very much appreciated! 
> 
> I will try to update once a week- probably every Sunday!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @animelester for more Dan and Phil goodness!
> 
> See you next time!


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